


In Short Supply

by msgeniuspa



Series: Starcrossed [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Minor Injuries, Porn With Plot, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Burn, Smut, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, intentional near drowning?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-10 06:10:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 25,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5573797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msgeniuspa/pseuds/msgeniuspa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A First Order officer stands up to Kylo Ren.  Kylo Ren notices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Requisition

**Author's Note:**

> The letter Z is pronounce "zed", and the number 0 is pronounced "aught". Sometimes. You'll know when. I'm American, so this is purely for the purpose of a pun.  
> This is just something to break my writer's block. I have a vague idea where it's going, but I have no idea how it's going to get there.

Captain Izzy paused to steady herself as she approached the control room.  It was quiet, that was a good sign.  Still she needed to slow her racing heart.  Hugging the data pad to her chest, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply.  **__**_Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum..._ She exhaled, dropped her arms to her sides, and strode into the room with faux confidence.  "Pardon the interruption, sir, but I need your signature on this supply requisition."  


_Frustration, annoyance._ Kylo Ren's tall form was bent over a panel running scans of several nearby systems.  "Isn't that Hux's job?"  Even through the distortion of his mask, Izzy could hear his teeth clenching.  


_Ba-dum, ba-dum._ "The Supreme Leader ordered two months ago that the General commit himself exclusively to Starkiller Base and that you assume his administrative duties aboard the _Finalizer_."  


His hand clenched into a fist.  "He knows what I'm trying to do here....  Put it in my box."  


_Badum, badum._ "This has been in your box for over a month, sir.  I don't like any of my requisitions to be ignored, but this one, in particular, has the food order.  It needs to be signed in time for us to actually receive the shipment before we run out of food."  


He slammed his fist through a screen.  Faster than she could follow, he was towering directly in front of her.  "Who are _you_ to talk to _me_ like this!?"  


_Badumbadumbadum._ His anger was overwhelming, she could feel herself shutting down.  Her pulse was pounding in her ears, and her vision was tunneling.  She felt like she was parsecs away, only vaguely aware that she was turning the data pad around to face him and saying the words.  "Captain Izzy, Supply Officer, the one who keeps food on your table, clothes on your back, and replacement workstations in your wake."  


...  


_Shame, anger._ He snatched the data pad away from her and moved back a step.  "What's your name?" he asked as he skimmed through the requisition list.  


_Badum, badum._ "Izzy, sir."  


"Your real name."  


She could feel him prickling around at the sides of her mind, could feel words she didn't want to say welling up in her mouth.  "I took the name Izzy when I made the jump from enlisted to officer.  My full designation is IZ-0612, so friends call me Dreadnought."  


"A battleship," he mused.  "You certainly feel like you've come into battle."  


"I certainly feel like I'm being attacked.  Sir."  


Another beat of tense consideration, then the prickling stopped.  He hit the approval button on the pad.  "In the future, Captain, bring urgent requisitions directly to me.  I have no time to waste on inboxes."  


"Aye, sir."  _Ba-dum, ba-dum._ She took the data pad back and, with the same faux confidence with which she entered the room, turned to leave.  


"And, Captain?"  


She paused at the doorway and looked back.  "Yes, sir?"  


_Amusement._ "Keep up the good work."  


"Aye, sir."  



	2. Scuttlebutt

_Name: IZ-0612_  
_Rank: Captain_  
_Current Assignment: Finalizer, Supply Officer_  
_Aliases: Izzy, Dreadnought_  
_Species: Human_  
_Birthplace: Unknown Regions_  
_Age: 27_  
_Height: 160cm_  
_Weight: 55kg_  
_Blood Type: A+_  
_Hair Color: Brown_  
_Eye Color: Green_

Kylo Ren looked up from the data pad he had snatched from the two gossiping junior officers.  "Tell me, Lieutenant Junior," he said in measured voice, "exactly what story you were relaying to the Ensign, here."

The young man visibly gulped.  The ensign had gone white as a sheet.  "Just about the meeting the Captain had with you yesterday."

"No, no, no.  In your own words _exactly_."

The ensign tensed, obviously about to turn and run away down the hall.  Kylo rooted his feet to the floor with the Force.  Since these two had volunteered to spread his message among the crew, it was imperative they stay to receive the full message.

"I-I-I..." the lieutenant struggled, "I was going to tell him that the Captain was the first person to stand up to you."

A final moment of calm.  "That's what I thought."  He grabbed the lieutenant by the throat and slammed him up against the wall while simultaneously igniting his lightsaber and thrusting the corner of the blade and cross guard dangerously close to the ensign's throat.  "I want to make one thing perfectly clear," he hissed, his mask adding a threatening growl to his words, "The Captain did not 'stand up to me', she was executing the duties of her position which necessitated meeting with me.  The primary difference between you and her is that she is committed to this ship and to the cause of the First Order, and _you_ are _loitering,_ _GOSSIPING_ ABOUT _TWO OF YOUR SUPERIORS!"_

He threw the lieutenant into the ensign.  " _Go!  And don't let me catch any of you slacking off again!"_ He picked the data pad up off the floor as he watched their retreating backs.  For a moment, he nearly crushed it - he certainly wanted to, as angry as he was - but then he thought better.  His eyes flicked back over the dossier on the screen, over the holo clip of Izzy in her dress uniform posing for the camera in front of the First Order flag, before he tucked it into a pocket in his cloak.

* * *

 

Izzy was in the officers' mess having a light breakfast of toast with plum jam, reading the morning news on her data pad.  Several minutes before Captain Phasma also arrived in the room, she could hear the heavy steps of the woman's boots striding down the hall.  As much as she adored Phasma, her flashy manner was a bit much so early in the morning.  Doubtless, she had been up for hours already drilling with her troopers, but Izzy wouldn't be functional until she'd had some more ice water.

Just as she reached for her glass and realized it was empty, Phasma sat down across from her and handed her a second glass from her own tray.  "Thank you," Izzy smiled, her voice still rough with sleep.

 _Excitement._ With a pneumatic hiss, Phasma pulled off her chrome helmet and gloves.  There was a smile on her face and a curious twinkle in her eye as she adjusted her messy blonde hair.  "In exchange, you can tell me exactly what happened between you and Kylo Ren yesterday.  The ship is abuzz.  I even heard two lads ran afoul of the man himself this morning, and he called you, quote, 'committed to this ship'."

Izzy felt herself blush as she held the cold glass to her forehead in exasperation.  "It was nothing.  I needed a requisition signed, and I thought the fastest way would be to take it directly to him."

Phasma's breakfast was much heavier, meat and potatoes and eggs, and she was just shoveling it in, hardly paying it any mind as she listened to Izzy.  "The scuttlebutt is that he Force interrogated you.  What was that like?"

Izzy's eyes unfocused.  The prickling hadn't felt like a full invasion, more like the threat of one, but the memory still sent a chill down her spine.  "No....  Maybe, I'm not sure.  He asked my name, and I told him everything.  I don't think it was the Force, though, mostly the threat of it.  I think I was just terrified...."

 _Incredulity._ "Well, yeah, Dreadnought, you were _arguing_ with _Kylo Ren_ ," Phasma laughed.  "I, for one, am glad I've never found myself in your position.  I'm the top warrior on this ship, and Force only knows what I would do staring down the blade of Kylo Ren's lightsaber."

She didn't understand.  Izzy wasn't sure she did, either.  She grasped, "I just....  I had a job to do.  Fear wasn't going to get it done, so I couldn't let the fear stop me."

 _Awe._ "What I wouldn't give to have you as one of my troopers."

"Believe me, I'm much better suited to Supply than I would be to infantry.  Speaking of, how is FN-2187 doing?"

 _Disappointment._ "Still acting as a crutch for FN-2003, I'm afraid.  Those boys will be their own undoing, and it's a crying shame.  FN-2187 would be real officer material if he'd let me mentor him."

Izzy reached across the table and took Phasma's hand.  "He'll come around.  Everyone will.  The Order will win this war, and the security of the Empire will be restored."


	3. Meeting

It had been a week since Izzy had spoken with Kylo Ren. It seemed that out of the seventy-five-thousand souls on board the _Finalizer_ , she and Ren were the only ones who didn't want her to become some kind of folk hero.  Ren had sent three officers, six enlisted crew members, and a storm trooper to medical and destroyed four workstations.  Actually, he had wrecked five, but one had been unrelated to this whole requisition fiasco.  Random crew members kept finding excuses to come talk to Izzy, trying to hear the story directly from her.

It had gotten to the point that she had made a temporary sign for her office door.  "Before entering: knock, announce yourself, state your intent.  Professional meetings only!"  Her office was exactly where she was holed up now.  She preferred to visit department heads in person to check their inventories and needs, but the current situation had her doing everything via interdepartmental data pad messages.  It was lonely, but she was distracting herself with the small caffeine and carb high from her coffee and cup noodles.

A knock came at her door, and her heart leapt.  _Something_ to break the monotony.  But there was a reason her door was closed.  "Who is it?"

She didn't recognize the voice that said, "Kylo Ren sent me to fetch you."

Aaand her heart sank.  Things hadn't been easy for either of them the past week, but Ren wasn't known for considering others' points of view.  "Just a moment."  If this was going to happen, she was going to make sure that she was without reproach.  She pulled her mirror out of a drawer in her desk, checked that her hair roll was neat and secure, that there was nothing in her teeth.  She stood, fixed the tuck of her shirt, straightened her belt buckle, smoothed her skirt, and quickly buffed her pumps on her hose.  She briefly thought she might be fit for the recruitment posters, if only she looked a little more like General Hux.

She put her cap on her head, made sure it was straight, and reached for the door.  _Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum...._ Why was she so calm?  Worst case scenario was that she was going to her death.  Best was that her entire career had been derailed by a single requisition.  She exited the office to face a nervous looking ensign.  "Where is he?"

_Anxiety._ The younger woman wouldn't stop fidgeting.  "His control room, ma'am."  Poor thing.

"Did he specifically tell you to escort me?"

"No, ma'am?"

"Go get yourself a tea and get back to your station.  I know the way."

_Intense relief._ "Thank you, ma'am."

The _Finalizer_ was nearly three kilometers from end to end with hundreds of kilometers in halls.  High-speed transport rails mazed through the inside of the ship to facilitate quick travel between distant points, but Ren's control room was near enough Izzy's office to walk.  The crew, which had until now been clamoring to rub elbows with her, recoiled to the side as she passed, as if she had a black spot.  But she kept her chin up, shoulders back, core tight.  Fear offered no benefit, so it had no place.  She could fall apart when she was back in her bunk for the night.

The door to his control room was open, so she stopped just inside the threshold, snapping to attention.  "Captain Izzy reporting, sir."

"Come in, Captain."

She obeyed, stepping into the center of the room, and the door slid closed firmly behind her.  _Badum, badum....._

Ren was silent for several long moments, his back to her.  Izzy could only hear the soft noises of the computers around them and her own pulse in her ears.  Try as she might, she couldn't stop her hands from shaking at her sides.

"Are you off balance?" he finally asked.

"Excuse me, sir?"

He began to circle the room, his mask tilted towards her.  "You're popular with the crew.  I know why.  You're sensitive to the Force, and this allows you to read and adapt to others' emotional states.  I useful talent for an officer to have."

What was he talking about?  "I'm not aware of any talent, sir."

"No, you wouldn't be.  The First Order has never placed any emphasis on encouraging abilities like yours.  But surely you must notice how very alone you feel in this moment."

Another beat of silence.  The room did seem emptier than it should.  But was that the Force?  "I'm not sure I understand, sir."

"It's not often that I have to guard my own mind, but a talent like yours can be dangerous around someone like me."

_Badumbadumbadum._ "Sir, this is about what happened last week.  I want you to know that-"  Her voice was stopped in her throat.  _This_ was the Force.  Though she could breathe perfectly fine, she felt like she was suffocating.  Her composure broke.  Her hands flew to her mouth, and she staggered back several steps.  She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she looked into Ren's inscrutable mask.

"This is about last week," he told her, striding towards her, "and how we're going to fix our problem with the public image.  We need to appear as friends."

He finally released her voice, and Izzy found herself falling.  He caught her, though, had moved exactly where he needed to be to support her.  "That may be difficult, sir," she gasped, steadying herself.  "You've cultivated a certain atmosphere around yourself."

His gloved hand was still on her arm.  "The crew is creating an underdog narrative around _you_.  The best way I can see for us to dispel it and to return the ship to the status quo is for us to appear united.  With no conflict, there will be no drama for the crew to be invested in."

He was right, when she thought about it.  And he was also right about her instinctively knowing how people were feeling.  The void he was leaving now was leaving her desperate for connection.

"And, I hope," he began, reaching up for his mask, "we may one day actually be friends."  He pulled off his mask and shook his hair free, and Izzy found herself face to face with a fair looking man her own age.  Intelligent eyes in strong features.  Full, soft-looking lips....

"No," she made herself say.  She backed away and was immediately aware of the loss of the warmth of his hand on her arm.  "No, sir, I'm sorry.  I can pretend for the crew, but there is such an imbalance of power between us.  Any kind of personal relationship would be impossible, I would always be at a disadvantage."

His hand clenched into a fist, and his voice lowered.  "That's not the only reason, is it?"

Izzy gulped.  "You frighten me, sir.  I'm not sure you even always realize when you do it.  And I'm not sure that even if you never raised your voice or hand or the Force against me again, that I could forget how I feel right now."

She closed her eyes and felt a tear roll down her cheek as she waited for his anger.

"Thank you for your honesty."  His mask was back on, and he was back across the room.  "I won't keep you any longer.  Take a moment to recover yourself before you go."

Izzy sniffled as she tried to push down her emotions.  "Thank you, sir."


	4. Tea

After their second meeting, Izzy began bringing anything that needed Ren's approval to him in person once per day.  Sometimes in his control room, sometimes on the bridge.  She always forced a smile, and he always struck up harmless small talk.  Their opinions on something from the morning newsletter.  Who may or may not be going to an officers' mixer that evening.  Perhaps a request for a special dinner in the next food order.

It was a performance, a show for the other crew in the room, but Izzy did find herself gradually relaxing around Ren.  She was still nothing short of professional, of course, but some days, he actively prodded her towards disagreeing with him.

"I believe the New Republic has destabilized themselves by planet hopping so frequently," he might say.

"Do you, sir?" she might respond.

"What are your thoughts?" he might ask.

"I think their transient nature may help them to avoid alienating any of the member planets, sir," she might say.

"I hadn't considered that," he might acknowledge.

Thus far, he hadn't again shown any anger or aggression towards her.  She knew why, knew he didn't like rejection or failure and was trying to ingratiate himself to her.  But she almost hated to admit it, it was beginning to work.  He still kept his mind guarded around her, but sometimes she would get just a brief flash of emotion as she entered the room.  _Gladness to see her.  Concern_ the morning after a restless night when her expression was particularly tired.  He had pointed out to her the bridge's coffee maker that morning, and she had thanked him.

The ship had certainly quieted down.  Professional civility was nothing to gossip about.  But Izzy could also feel how the ship's perception of her had shifted.  Junior crew members and officers were a bit more wary of her now.  She was becoming part of Ren's circle, and that was a frightening place to be.  She kept her office door open, started keeping a bowl of candies on her desk, took more care to stay friendly with her department.  But ship politics were difficult, and it would always be nearly impossible to have it all.

More than once, she found herself drafting a message to General Hux.  They hadn't been friends, but they'd always had an excellent working relationship, and he had always been excellent about making himself available to the senior officers.  Honestly, she had missed his presence since he had left the _Finalizer_ to work on Starkiller Base.  She never sent the messages, though.  Reading back over them, they always seemed to read like a surly child who wasn't having fun at summer camp.

But that was how she felt.  Hux was gone, she hadn't seen Phasma outside of a quick passing in the mess or halls, and her interactions with Ren were actively draining.  She felt alone, and ever since Ren had pointed out her Force-sensitivity, she also couldn't pretend that the rest of the crew hadn't withdrawn from her.

It was late one evening after her shift was over when she finally finished the day's work.  She was feeling grumpy, and she knew she should get  dinner, but the thought simply wasn't appetizing.  Instead, she made her way to one of the officer recreation rooms.  Rather than the flat metals and high contrast colors of the rest of the ship, the rec room was much softer.  It was carpeted - grey and old and worn, but it muffled her heels and cushioned her steps - the furniture was made of wood and thickly cushioned, and it was quiet.  Not the oppressive, isolating quiet she was finding throughout the rest of the ship, but rather a sort of clarifying quiet in which she could just breathe freely.  There were even real books printed on paper.  Sometimes, even when she wasn't in the mood for reading, Izzy just liked to smell them.  But this evening, she was in the mood for reading.

She made herself a tea at the refreshment station and perused the small bookshelf.  Something sad for her to channel her current feelings into.  Finally she picked up _Fall From Glory: The Tragedy of the Galactic Empire and Rebellion_ and went to a media station to turn on a playlist of melancholy music.  She was alone in the room, so she slipped off her pumps as she curled up cat-like into one of the cushy arm chairs to begin reading.  She let herself fall into the story, let the music wash over her, let the tea warm her core.

She had nearly finished her tea when she realized she was no longer alone.  _Affection,_ just a flash.  Her head shot up, and Kylo Ren was standing there, watching her.  "Sir!" she gasped, jumping to attention, careful not to drop the precious book and pretending her pumps weren't in a pile next to the chair.

"As you were," he nodded.  His tone was difficult to discern through the filter of his mask, but he didn't seem overly concerned about the state of her.

Izzy let herself fidget but was reluctant to sit back down while he was still standing.  She slipped her pumps back on.  "I was just going to get myself another tea.  I'll leave, I wouldn't want to disturb you, sir."

He watched her as she crossed the room but didn't move.  "You don't need to leave on my account."

_Ba-dum, ba-dum._   The soft music was perhaps a bit to emotional for the two of them alone in a relaxed space such as this.  Izzy couldn't stand how slowly the electric kettle was taking to bring the water to a boil.  "Would you like one, sir?" she asked, turning to him.  "Or...?"  She gestured vaguely to his mask.  She had first seen him without it in the second meeting behind closed doors several weeks ago and never again since.  No one talked about having seen his face before, but also no one ever talked about not seeing his face.  Kylo Ren, in general, was a taboo subject.

He considered for a moment, then held his hand out to the door and slid it closed with the Force.  "Yes.  Thank you."  He removed his mask and sat in the chair across from the one Izzy had claimed.  She heard him pick up her book, hefting it in his gloved hand.  "This is actually the exact book I came in to read," he chuckled.  "Great minds."

His voice really was so smooth without the mask.  "Help yourself, sir," she said as she poured the finally hot water over the tea bags.  "I can't even count how many times I've read these books."

"There is something special about actually holding the thing in your hands," Ren mused.  "When this war is won, I hope to spread printed works back through the galaxy."

"I would like new books to read," Izzy admitted.  She held out Ren's tea to him, and their fingers brushed briefly.  _Badum, badum._   "Um, would you like me to change the music, sir?" she asked, her voice jumping a bit as she retreated back towards the media station.

"Only if you'd like to change it," he answered unhelpfully.  "Come back.  Sit.  I'm sure you've had a long day."

His eyes never strayed from her as she slowly came back to her chair.  She could feel her cheeks burning.  His own skin was so fair, there seemed to be a tinge of red there, too.  "You work longer hours than I do, sir."  She took an uncomfortably large sip of her hot drink but was grateful for something to excuse the burning in her face.  "May I ask what it is you're always scanning for?"

The book was on the low table between them.  He reached out and tapped it.  "Luke Skywalker."

From this angle, he was looking up at Izzy.  But she found herself leaning forward, too, a surge of excitement overriding her caution of the man.  "Luke Skywalker?  The rebel Jedi from the last war?  You think he's nearby?"

Ren shook his head.  "No, I wish it were that simple.  Skywalker has gone into hiding, but he could be a huge boon for the Resistance should he ever resurface.  Even simply for morale if he's grown too old to fight, though Jedi age slowly.  But we have intelligence that there is a map to him, scattered into several pieces and probably distributed to his old allies.  My main goal has been to find this map so that we can eliminate him before the Resistance even knows where he is."

Izzy was breathless.  The ship had been told simply that their mission was to patrol for and engage clusters of Resistance.  What they were actually doing was so much more significant.  "That would be incredible.  It would be a turning point in this war!  News of Skywalker's death alone could destabilize General Organa and the Resistance fatally.  Everything we're doing is historic, but _this_ would be so much _more_!"

Suddenly she realized their faces were only inches away.  And Kylo Ren was smiling, a glint in his eye.  "You might be more enthusiastic about this than I am," he purred.

She sat back up quickly, taking another sip of her tea to put something between him in her line of sight.  "Pardon me, sir.  I'm sure this is above my clearance.  I haven't heard anything."

_Disappointment._   "I could only benefit from your support."

"You have my support, sir."

"No, that's not-  What I mean is-"  He stood and paced, swirling his tea in its cup impatiently.  "You have a certain respect for me.  And I have a certain respect for you.  But these last weeks, I've been trying to cultivate a shared mutual respect between the two of us.  You mentioned before the imbalance of power between us.  I'm trying to show you that we can be equals.  We can have conversations and tea, and you've seen me in a way I've not allowed to anyone else.  But still you distance yourself from me."

"Sir, I-  Yes.  I distance myself from you.  I've noticed the efforts you've been making, but there's a lot of past aggression to be overcome.  And there's still the fact that you are the highest ranking person on this ship, and I am beneath you.  Disciplinary action could be brought against me if a more senior officer thought our relationship was inappropriate, and that is a risk you simply do not face."

"I could protect you if you would let me."

She shook her head.  "I won't have people look at me and wonder if I've achieved what I have by fraternizing rather than hard work.  I've been on this ship for four years, and it's never wanted for anything.  I work hard at my job, and I won't risk that being overshadowed by scandal.  Sir."

Ren sat back down heavily.  "You mention rank again.  I think you forget that the only peer I have in this chain of command is Hux.  Not only was he reassigned off the ship, but we don't particularly like each other to begin with.  It sounds childish to say that I've been trying to make a friend by being a friend, but that is exactly what I've been doing in my interactions with you these past several weeks."

Izzy couldn't look up from her tea.  "It doesn't sound childish," she said softly.  "I'm sorry, sir.  I hadn't considered what it must be like for you from your position."  She downed the rest of her tea in one gulp.  "I suppose, sir, that this is a neutral enough meeting ground.  I could be comfortable with meeting for tea and chatting evenings that we're both available."

_Hope._ "I would like that _._ If I said you could address me as Kylo during these chats, then may I call you Izzy?"

"I think that would be fair.  Kylo."


	5. Ice Cream

Izzy ended up having another two cups of tea with Kylo Ren.  It was surprisingly pleasant.  He was clever and funny, and the way his eyes came to life when he talked about his ambitions lingered in her mind.  And he was considerate.  She could tell that he was making an effort to ask about her, work out what they had in common, not just talk about himself.  At the beginning, she had been resigned to the idea, thinking it would be like adding another professional meeting to her schedule, but as she walked back to her bunk, she found herself already wondering when they'd again be able to relax like that.

As a senior officer, Izzy had a private room, though it was just as Spartan and metallic as any other bunk.  A bed built into the corner of the wall, simple dresser with room for a few hanging clothes above, a basic desk and lamp to supplement the lighting built into the ceiling,  a small two seat couch.  She had an attached private bathroom which was nice, though it didn't have a tub, only a shower stall.  Sighing, she shed her uniform and kicked it towards the laundry pile that was supposed to be in the hamper.  Her pajamas were a simple black tank top and masculine boxers, and she pulled her hair out of its usual roll and swept it up into a messy bun on the top of her head.  It was late, and she was tired, so she skipped her usual face regimen, opting instead to just splash cold water on her face.

A knock came at the door.  "Just a moment!" Izzy called, snatching her towel and drying her face on the way to the door.  There was no peephole, so she took a moment to draw herself to a military bearing despite her casual state.

But the precaution was unnecessary.  The visitor was Phasma, wearing sweats and bearing a tub of ice cream and two bottles of red wine.  "Am I forgiven for being so busy these past weeks?" she smiled, letting herself in.

"Only if that's coffee chocolate chip," Izzy beamed, closing and locking the door.

_Affection._ Phasma dropped onto the couch and winked.  "I know your favorites."

"What _have_ you been doing all this time?" Izzy asked, joining her.  She had brought two spoons with for the ice cream, bless.  "Just simulations?"

" _So_ many simulations," Phasma said around the cork she was pulling with her teeth.

She got the other one open and passed it to Izzy.  It seemed this wasn't a night for glasses.  Izzy got a blast of _relief_ as Phasma took a long pull from the bottle.  Now that she was aware of her sense, it was getting to be a bit distracting.  Maybe there was a way to turn it off?

"Supreme Leader is definitely preparing for something big," Phasma continued.  "But we've run every simulation in the book and then some, so I have no idea what we're actually going into.  I think I'm really close, though, to a breakthrough with FN-2187.  What I really need, though is to get FN-2003 out of that squad."

"They haven't actually gone into battle, have they?"

"No.  No, not yet.  But they've come such a long way.  I have faith in them.  But where were you?  I was waiting for you, and you came back to your room so late?"

They were both well into their respective bottles of wine by this point, so Izzy's tongue was a bit looser than it might have been otherwise.  "I was having tea with _Kylo Ren_ ," she answered, struggling not to laugh at the absurdity of the sentence and quickly taking another swig of the wine.

Phasma's jaw dropped, and she began laughing hysterically.  " _What!?_ "

" _I know!_ "

"That means you saw him without his mask!"

Izzy bit her lip and hid her mouth behind her hand.  "He took it off before when we met after everything got weird.  Have you seen him without it?"

"Of course, he usually takes it off during strategy sessions with me and Hux.  But I think it's only the three of us now - and the Supreme Leader, obviously - who've seen it.  I know for a fact, none of my troopers have seen him."

"He's kind of _really_ pretty," Izzy said quickly, chasing the words with more wine.

Phasma grimaced.  "Not my type.  Wait, is he yours?"

She shrugged.  "I don't know if I have a type?  There's only been one fling, so far, and nothing serious.  I haven't even been interested in anyone on the ship until now.  But I think I might be his?  He's been trying really hard to get on my good side, and I think we may have come close to kissing tonight."

_Delight._ "As your friend," Phasma advised, "I strongly urge you to kiss Kylo Ren.  If only because I suspect he's never been kissed and I want to see how red those ears turn.  As a fellow officer, I recommend you administer said kiss behind closed doors.  But that's a given anyway, considering how the boy is with his mask."

"I don't know if he's sincere, though," Izzy admitted.  "I have this... talent, for knowing how people are feeling, and he can guard against it.  But I can still feel him sometimes, so I know he's intentionally letting me."

Phasma scoffed, "Of course he's sincere.  Everyone wants to kiss you, you foolish little waif."  To prove her point, she grabbed Izzy in a headlock and planted a kiss square on top of her head while Izzy shrieked with laughter.

"I'm not a waif!  You're a giantess!"

"Both are true!  Seriously, though, you're too little.  Wake up early with me tomorrow to work out.  This desk job isn't good for your soldiering."

Izzy brandished her nearly empty wine bottle.  "I'll be lucky if I wake up at all tomorrow."

"Fine."  Phasma took hold of her hands and brought them to the sides of her face.  "Then tell me about this 'talent'.  What am I thinking?"

Izzy laughed.  "Okay, no, first off, I don't need to be touching you.  And secondly, I can't tell what you're thinking, just what you're feeling."

"Humor me," Phasma laughed back, "I haven't seen you for ages.  What am I feeling?"

Izzy tried concentrating, but everything was a bit fuzzy.  Possibly the late hour, probably the alcohol.  "You feel drunk," she finally laughed.

The two laughed, and that was how the night was spent, until the clock rolled into the early hours of the morning and Phasma finally had to go.  "I _won't_ see you at dinner, Dreadnought," she joked, tickling Izzy's side.

"Stop!" Izzy laughed.  "Don't throw up in the gym, you goof."

"Never!" Phasma roared, leaving down the hall.  "I am a giantess!  I am invincible!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is sloppy. I planned it out while I was at work and then typed it out quickly right before going to the club. Feel free to point out any hideous typos, haha.


	6. Cut

Izzy needed fried potatoes and coffee.  An entire bottle of wine in one night was rarely a good idea, but an entire bottle of wine on a work night deserved a spot on her wall of bad decisions.  She wasn't sure she'd gotten more than an hour of sleep, and she'd lost track of how many glasses of water she'd had in her room before she felt like a functional person again.  She still thought she might be at least fifty percent the physical manifestation of exhaustion.  She even had to change her uniform after getting dressed.  She had underestimated the click of her pumps on the tile floor, so it was a slacks kind of day.  Silver lining was that she could wear shirt stays with her slacks, so the tuck of her shirt was off her list of worries.

Even despite her struggle, though, Izzy got out of her room early, and the halls were still quiet.  Little miracles.  The officers' mess was also still relatively empty, and the few others who were there were similarly subdued.  There was a certain camaraderie of silent grateful smiles as they passed the coffee carafe between them.  The high-carb foods were also popular this morning.  Nearly everyone heaped their plates with potatoes, pancakes, grits.  Izzy usually came to breakfast a bit later when the plates were generally a bit lighter and a bit more balanced.  She wondered if the early crowd always ate like this or if they had all just had tiring nights.

Her morning was otherwise uneventful.  She visited a few departments.  She and a few enlisted crew members inventoried a storeroom during a working lunch.  She needed Ren to sign off on the final count, so she made her way up to the bridge.

The bridge seemed to be running equally smoothly.  Unobstructed space before them and the crew dutifully at their stations.  Ren stood on the platform above them, as still as a statue.  Izzy used to find that extremely intimidating, but she was beginning to use it as a sort of grounding.  If Ren was still, then all was well.  "Good afternoon, Captain," he greeted her without turning towards her.

She came to his side.  "Good afternoon, sir.  If you could please finalize the inventory of 3-120-4-A, then I can file this into the log."

"Of course, Captain."  He skimmed through the list, then said softly, "It's quiet today...."

Had he meant to say that aloud?  "Isn't that good, sir?"

Perhaps not.  He turned towards her, but didn't immediately say anything.  The combination of his mask and his guard was driving her nuts.  She didn't like knowing that she was feeling what everyone else was feeling without her control, but she especially didn't like that he was intentionally withholding that connection from her.  "The ship is overdue for a skirmish with the Resistance.  We cannot allow ourselves to become complacent."

"Of course not, sir."  He was frustrated he hadn't yet found a lead on the map to Skywalker.  She should've guessed.

He passed the data pad back to her.  "There you are, Captain.  Keep up the good work."

"Thank you, sir."

It happened as she turned to walk away.  She felt it as if in slow motion, though there was nothing she could do to stop it.  The shirt stay at the front of her left leg lost its grip on her shirt and loudly snapped down to where it clipped to her sock, its metal claw raking down her thigh on its way.  She yelped and stumbled, and Ren's arms were immediately around her, catching her from falling.

All heads in the room spun towards her, and a few of the crew even started moving to help her.  "I'm fine!" she said through gritted teeth.  "Sorry, it was my stay, just startled.  I'm fine, as you were!"

They reluctantly sat, and she extricated herself from Ren's arms.  "Excuse me, sir.  I just need to adjust myself.  I just need the head."  She was definitely bleeding, she could feel her trouser sticking to her leg.

"I'll make sure you're alright."  It wasn't a suggestion.  "Carry on," he told the bridge before guiding her out, his hand firm on her lower back as he steered her towards the nearest bathroom.

It was empty, thank the Force, and she heard Ren lock the door behind them.  "Sorry, sir," she yammered, turning her back to him as she undid her belt and fly and pulled her slacks down just enough to peel the fabric off of the cut.  Or cuts, as the case would be.  Three claw-like marks where the teeth of the clip had dragged along her, the one furthest to the inside of her thigh bleeding the most.  "Shit, sorry.  I'm fine, I just need to get cleaned up."  The water from the sink wasn't immediately hot and she didn't know how she was going to dry her leg with the air dryers, and her adrenaline was just pounding way too fast.

"Izzy," Ren said softly, placing his hands on her shoulders.  When had he taken off his mask?  How had she not noticed he was directly behind her?  "Slow down.  Breathe.  Let me see."

Her face burned as she turned and leaned against the counter.  He knelt to get a better look, and she bit her lip as she looked anywhere but at him.  What had she done wrong in her life that the universe was conspiring against her like this?

"I think I can fix this," he said after what seemed like an eternity.  He looked up at her.  His cheeks were definitely also red.  "May I?"

Her voice caught in her throat.  She could only nod.

Carefully, he braced her leg with one hand at the back of her thigh while the other hovered over the stain in her trousers.  Slowly, the blood began to lift out, and when it had all gathered in a floating drop, he moved it to the sink for it to wash down the drain.  "Okay, that was the easy part."

Now his hand hovered over the cuts themselves.  Izzy could feel the Force pricking at her tender skin and bit back a whimper.  Ren's brow furrowed as he tried harder.  _Rage_ hit Izzy like a crashing wave, and her breath hitched at the rush.  What was he doing?  But the blood began to flow back up her leg into the cuts as they closed.  He let go once he was satisfied that they were healed, but they immediately reopened.

"I don't understand," Izzy breathed.  "I've heard of Force healing before.  What happened?"

Ren's face was clouded, and he didn't answer.  He took her leg again, rougher than before, and tried again.  The emotions that hit her this time, though, were completely different.  _Love.  Conflict.  Despair._   This time the cuts healed and stayed healed.  "Dammit...." Ren hissed under his breath.

"Thank you," Izzy said softly.  "Kylo?  Are you okay?"

He had shut her out again.  But as he stood, he cupped her face and laid a light kiss on her forehead.  "Take care, Izzy."  He replaced his mask, and exited before she could respond.

What had just happened?


	7. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 100 kudos! Thank you all so much! (05Jan may have two updates because I didn't finish typing the 4th's chapter in time.)

The only sound in the rec room was the drumming of Izzy's fingers on her cup of tea and the rough swivel of her shoes on the carpet as she paced.  She kept going over the afternoon's event in her mind.  Healing was good, but it had upset Kylo Ren.  He seemed to draw on emotion for his control of the Force, and anger had been his go to.  It might explain why he seemed so volatile, though Izzy wondered if better control might help him to channel larger bursts of power.

But it was mostly the second attempt that she kept replaying.  Despair.  Conflict.  _Love_?  That was the most confusing set of emotions Izzy could think of.  And why had they worked when rage hadn't?  Isn't the Force the Force?  And what had that kiss meant?  Her fingers ghosted over the spot on her forehead as she remembered it.  She knew it was her imagination, but it seemed to tingle.  It and the place on her thigh where he had held her.  Okay, now she was definitely blushing.  She threw back a large sip of tea, wishing it was something stronger.

She'd come to the rec room as soon as her shift had ended.  She hoped that Ren would show tonight, though she wasn't sure she was ready.  She didn't know how long she'd been waiting.  It felt like ages, but she refused to check the clock, in case she was right.

"How long do you think until you wear holes where you're turning?"

Izzy squeaked and jumped back, heart racing.  "How do you keep sneaking up on me?  Never mind, it's a Force thing, I'm sure."

Kylo Ren was sitting in one of the arm chairs, mask and gloves on the coffee table, one ankle on the opposite knee, and fire in his eyes.  A wolfish grin was spread across his face, and he bit his knuckle obscenely as he considered her.  "I didn't keep you waiting long, did I?"

"No, I just got here," she lied, pretending she wasn't holding a nearly empty cup of cold tea.  It was likely, though, that everything would seem cold compared to her face.  In the hours since the incident in the bathroom, something about him had changed.  "What happened today?"

"You shook my confidence and then restored my faith, Izzy."

"That's... unhelpfully cryptic."

He smirked.  Was there something in the air that was making everything he did seem more attractive than the last?

"Sit," he told her, nodding to the chair across from him.  "How much do you know about the Force?"

She perched on the edge of the seat.  "Uhh, just the basics, really.  The Jedi Council overthrew the Old Republic, and Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader defeated them and raised the Galactic Empire from the anarchy."

"That's history.  I'm talking about _truth_."

"In that case, I just know that you're a Force user, and I'm called Force-sensitive.  I'm still getting used to that bit, myself."

He sat forward.  "There are two sides of the Force.  I've dedicated my life to one of them.  Untold power, but not a lot of room for altruism."

"Healing probably isn't high on the list."

"Only temporary healing," he nodded.  "Permanent healing is the domain of the other side."

"But... your side draws upon... anger, right?  The other side used...."  Her mouth went dry.

"Not anger, _p_ _assion_ ," he corrected.  Ah, that was the light in his eye.  "The other side uses serenity.  Traditionally, the two never overlap."

"That was the shake to your confidence."  Izzy's voice had gone rough.  "You drew from a place of calm.  And you, what?  Worried?  That it was a setback on your path?"

"Exactly."  He reached his hand out towards her thigh, but stopped just short of actually touching her.

His eyes met hers, waiting for her judgment.  She wasn't sure if she nodded yes, but she was positive she didn't shake her head no.  His hand came to rest ever so lightly on her leg, his thumb lightly tracing where she had been cut.  She'd never noticed before today how long his fingers were, but now it was difficult for her to focus on anything but the way his hand could almost wrap around her leg.

She swallowed, watching his thumb stroke the fabric of her slacks.  "And then... what restored your faith...?"

"I remembered my history."

They had been leaning further in, and as Izzy looked back to face him, she could stop her gaze from flicking over his mouth before meeting his dark eyes.  "Your history...." she repeated.

"Darth Vader came into his power through his passion...."

"Passion...."

"Through his love...."

"Love...."

"I think you might be that for me...."

At some point, his other hand had come up to her face, his cool fingers tracing along her hairline and behind her ear, down to the back of her neck.  She could feel herself being pulled into a kiss... could feel her eyelids trying to flutter closed....

"This is too fast," she whispered, pulling her head back just enough to signal her resistance.  She couldn't bring herself to pull away entirely.

"We've known each other for years."  They were still close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her jaw.

"We've been on the same ship for years.  We've exchanged small talk for two months.  Our first real conversation was last night."

"I've shown you how I feel about you."  His hand at the back of her neck shifted closer to the front so he could run his thumb along her jaw.

"You've actively hidden your emotions from me.  Even now.  The few times you've let me in have been clearly intentional.  How do I know you're not manipulating me?"

"Why do you think you're entitled to everyone's every waking emotion?"

She didn't have an answer to that.  She gulped.  "Then just tell me, have you always been sincere?"

"I honestly don't know if I even could trick your sense.  That being said, I've never tried."

"Then just... just let me know that this is real, Kylo....  This right here...."

_Love.  Lust.  Security._ And an underlying deep, howling _hunger_ for too many things to decipher.

_Passion._

"Not here," Izzy breathed.  Their faces were nearly close enough to press their foreheads together.  "I mean, yes, okay, I'm in.  But nowhere public.  Nothing during shift."

"Both are fair," he murmured.  His thumb traced down her neck to the bit of collarbone visible above her uniform shirt.

"And not... nothing tonight.  This is sudden, I'm not ready."

He kissed her forehead again.  "I'm yours to command."


	8. Twenty Questions

It was all a blur.  Izzy clearly remembered how Kylo Ren had brushed his lips over her knuckles when they parted.  She vividly felt how her entire body seemed to buzz with energy.  And she knew that the door she was knocking on was that of Phasma's bunk.  But she couldn't connect the dots, couldn't retrace her movements from moment to moment.

Phasma's smile faded quickly when she answered the door.  "Are you okay, Dreadnought?  Come in, c'mere."

Her room was identical to Izzy's - they were the same rank, after all - so it wasn't difficult for her to navigate herself to the couch and drop down onto the cushions.  "I don't know-  I think-  I just-"

"Slow down, Dreadnought, slow down.  You're okay here.  Twenty questions?"

Izzy nodded, taking Phasma's blanket from where she'd left it on the other cushion and wrapping it around herself.  She held out the other side for Phasma, and she climbed in.

"Okay, number one.  Does this have to do with Kylo Ren?"

"Yes."

"Number two.  Something he said or something he did?"

"Both."

"Number three.  Good or bad?"

"I don't know."

"Number four.  Did he try to hurt you?"

"No."

"Number five.  Did he try to kiss you?"

"Yes."

Phasma shifted excitedly, but Izzy's breathing was still fast and shallow, so she kept going.  "Number six.  Did he actually kiss you?"

"No."

"Number seven.  Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know."

"Number eight.  Did he tell you he's romantically attracted to you?"

"I don't know."

"Number nine.  Are you romantically attracted to him?"

"Yes."

"Number ten.  Do you need more questions?"

Anxiety wasn't encouraged by the First Order, but rapid, concise answers to an officer's questions were.  Twenty questions was a game Phasma and Izzy had worked out early in their friendship to both manage and hide Izzy's attacks.  Fortunately, they had been few and far between for the last few years.  Unfortunately, Izzy usually only needed four or five questions to calm down.  "Yes."

"Number eleven.  Are you upset right now or overloaded?"

"Overloaded."

"Number twelve.  Were you upset tonight?"

"No."

"Number thirteen.  Do you need me to punch anybody?"

"No."

Number fourteen.  Do you need me to give you The Talk?"

Izzy huffed, and finally stopped jittering to roll her eyes at Phasma.  " _No_.  I think I'm okay now.  Thank you."

"Good, because I ran out of questions at nine.  Now that we can talk like normal people, is Kylo Ren trying to seduce you?"

Izzy curled up a bit tighter under the blanket.  "I don't know.  Last night, he was all, 'I just want a friend,' but tonight it was, 'I think you might be my passion.'"

Phasma couldn't help but laugh.  "He really said that?"

"Or something very similar."  Izzy laughed, too.  This was all so surreal, she was half expecting to wake up any moment.

"Well, no one's ever accused the boy of making too much sense."

"Has he ever done this before?"

"What?"

Izzy's voice was small, and her eyes were lowered.  "You've known him longer.  Has he ever done this before with anyone else?  Am I a game to him?"

"Oh, Dreadnought."  Phasma wrapped her arm around Izzy's shoulders.  "I have no idea what's going on in that man's head.  But I do know that as long as the two of us have been stationed together, he's never spent as much time with anyone as he has with you.  Never spoken about anything that wasn't work, always gone straight back to his room at the end of the day.  Even if I'd never met you and only knew him, I'd be inclined to think he's being serious.  But I have met you, and you're wonderful, so I'm doubly sure he's serious.  Be careful of him, Izzy."

Izzy leaned her head against Phasma's shoulder.  "It might be too late for that.  But....  I don't know, you joked earlier about The Talk, but I might actually want it.  I've... I've never been with a man before."

"What?  What about that fling you mentioned last night?"

" _She_ was my bunk mate at Officer Training School.  And that was seven years ago.  It's been a while."

"Really?  No one in the past seven years?  Was she the love of your life?"

"No, I just haven't been interested in anyone.  Not until now."

"Well, shit, Dreadnought, now I _have_ to give you the talk.  First off, before you sleep with him, get yourself some contraceptive/prophylactic pills from medical."

"I know what con-pros are, I keep a current box."

Phasma looked at her incredulously.

"I like to be prepared."

"You've been keeping up to date con-pros in your medicine cabinet for seven years even though you've never wanted to use them?"

"Doesn't hurt to have them around."

"You should give a preparedness talk to my troopers."

"Sure, and then one of them can sit down and tell me how to handle a dick since you don't seem to want to."

"What's to tell?  They look funny, and they're easily pleased.  More specific to your situation, how has Ren been with you?  Demanding, hesitant, what?"

"He's been... respectful...."  She thought back on how he asked to touch her before healing her.  How he looked for her approval before touching her tonight.  How he immediately stopped moving things forward when she expressed discomfort.  "He's never even tried to force me to do something I didn't want to."

"That's good.  Maybe I won't have to punch him after all.  My advice for your first time, then, is to use your words.  Let him tell you how to please him.  Tell him how to please you, if he needs it.  But if he pulls anything funny, call me.  I'll kick his ass."

Izzy laughed.  "Do you wanna just chaperone us?  Make sure we keep an arm's length between us at all times?"

Phasma shrieked with laughter.  "Can you imagine, me in full armor, in the corner, just watching?"

Izzy rested her forehead against Phasma's shoulder contentedly.  "Thank you.  For taking the time to talk me through ridiculous things like this."

"Always."


	9. Return

Izzy lived for routine.  There were many roles in the First Order's nation that needed to be filled back home in the Unknown Regions, but the military's structure had called to her.  The war certainly had its fair share of challenges and adventure, but there was protocol for everything, and most days followed the exact same format.  Wake up at the same time, put on the same uniform, eat the same food, go to the same office, do the same work, see the same people.

This morning would have fooled an outsider into thinking it was the same, but Izzy knew that everything had changed.  Everything felt foreign.  Like she was washing her face with different water.  Like her uniform was made of different fabric.  Like she was on a different ship, but her feet still knew which way to carry her.  She felt supercharged, wound tight, hyper-aware.  She felt fantastic.

She joined Phasma for breakfast in the officers' mess, Izzy with her normal toast and jam, and Phasma with her normal everything being served that morning.  It felt like a perfect morning.  She pulled out her datapad to look over the morning's newsletter and nearly choked on her water at the first bullet point.  "General Hux is coming back _today_?"

" _What_?" Phasma frowned.  "Give that to me."  Her eyes flicked back and forth over the words, her brow furrowed.  "'Hangar D is required to be cleared from 1100 to 1300 for reception.'  Well, they could've told us sooner.  I have to rework the entire midday training schedule, now."

"I guess they wanted to keep us on our toes.  Make sure the mice have been behaving while the cat's been away."

Phasma smiled wryly.  "Or rabbits, as the case may be."

"Shut up!" Izzy laughed, tearing a piece of crust off her toast and throwing it at the armored woman.

* * *

Izzy didn't actually see the General until later that afternoon.  She rounded a corner, and he was walking towards her, so she snapped to a salute.  "Welcome back, General!"

He returned the salute quickly so she could drop her arm.  "Walk with me, Captain.  I was just looking for you."

"Of course, sir.  What can I help you with?"

General Hux's mouth naturally pulled into a frown, though it was obvious when he was actually upset.  His current expression seemed artificially neutral to Izzy.  "I hope Ren hasn't given you any trouble about his new administrative duties.  I know he thinks himself above the _Finalizer_ 's mission."

Izzy's heart skipped a beat at the mention of Kylo Ren.  "It wasn't the smoothest transition," she admitted, "but I always get the job done, sir."

The General actually smiled a bit.  "That is true, Captain.  The ship has wanted for nothing as long as you've been in that office.  But I do have one question."

"What's that, sir?"

He stopped and turned to face her, his pale eyes boring into her.  "Why, when I asked upon my arrival for an update on the ship's status, did my aide regale me - quite gleefully - with an account of the melodrama between you and Ren the past two months?"

_Badumbadumbadum._   "'Melodrama' seems a strong word, sir," Izzy stumbled, her mouth dry.  She had no idea how to explain this, but maybe something would come to her if she kept talking.  "Kylo Ren required a more personal approach.  Things have actually been so normal aboard the _Finalizer_ , the crew grabbed at the idea of something to entertain them.  But really, everything has just been business as usual.  Sir."

The General was inscrutable.   Izzy fidgeted, running her fingernails against her thumb.  Maybe if she cut herself she could excuse herself quickly.  But finally his expression softened.  "I know how hard you work, Captain.  Your performance has never been anything less than exemplary.  To a fault, perhaps.  You've never requested leave, never even taken a sick day.  I don't want to see you run yourself into the ground.  You're too valuable to the Order."

"Thank you, sir."  It really did mean a lot to her, coming from him.  He had been her inspiration ever since his rise through the ranks began to be publicized throughout the Order.  He was the reason she had requested the assignment aboard the _Finalizer_.  He was something of a celebrity, and he was saying _she_ was important.

"And - I can't believe I'm saying this, I don't even like the man - Kylo Ren is, in fact, in a completely different chain of command from you.  Just to clarify any hypothetical ethical concerns you may or may not have."

Izzy's face flushed red.  "Of course, sir.  Thank you for the... clarification."  Blessing was more like it, which was surreal, coming from her idol.

"And one last thing, Captain.  I'm only temporarily reassigned to the _Finalizer_ , so I won't be re-assuming any of my old administrative duties.  I won't keep you any longer.  Enjoy your day."

Izzy saluted.  "Aye, sir.  Thank you."

 


	10. Kiss

General Hux's words still ringing her ears, Izzy knew she couldn't simply go back to work.  She would be too distracted.  She had to do something about that, and it seemed that the stars had aligned for just this moment.  She didn't know how she knew, but she went directly to Kylo Ren's control room.  He was alone.  Izzy briefly thought of how that didn't surprise her.  "Kylo Ren," she greeted, closing the door behind her.  Her voice was stronger, clearer than she would have expected, the way her pulse was pounding in her ears.

_Interest._   "Good afternoon, Captain."  He turned to face her and leaned against the work station.  "What brings you to me here?"

"I want to make sure we're on the same page for tonight.  We're not meeting for tea after my shift."

"Is that so?"

"When I clock out, I am going directly to my room.  You are going to join me thirty minutes later, and we are going to make out.  A lot."  Izzy hadn't done this before, hadn't made the first move.  She was defaulting to officer mode, listing out the objectives of the mission.  But this was going to be her tactic until it was proven to be a poor one.  "Shirts are allowed to come off, pants must stay on.  All I want to do tonight is straddle you and kiss the shit out of you.  I'm telling you this now instead of later because I'm currently stone cold sober.  One of the things I'll be doing in the half hour before you arrive is drinking just enough wine to become tipsy because I love what that does to my sense of touch."

_Arousal._   He crossed the room to her.  "You're being extremely proactive."  He ran his gloved fingers lightly down her sleeves to rest them on her hips.  He pulled her towards him just gently enough that she could feel him both emotionally and physically.  "What's changed?"

Izzy looped her fingers in his belt and stood on her tiptoes to get nearer his ear, despite his helmet.  "'I am yours to command.'"

He groaned and his grip tightened.  "Making me wait until tonight just to kiss....  I propose we keep that door locked for the rest of the afternoon and see where it takes us.  You've already said you're currently of sound mind to make that decision."

"I am," she smirked.  "Which is why I'm even more inclined to make you wait.  And if you disagree with me again, I may change the time to an hour after my shift."

The noise that came filtered through his mask was clearly a growl of the best kind.

* * *

Just because Izzy was clocking out on time for once didn't mean she was slacking on her duties.  She went into overdrive for the rest of the afternoon, to the point that she could almost clock out early.  In fact, she found herself standing impatiently at her desk, watching the clock for exactly two minutes and eleven seconds.  Clocking out early would have put her ahead of the schedule that she had been so particular about earlier in the afternoon.  Wow, had she really said some of the things she had?  She was so glad Kylo had liked it.  This was all still new territory for her.

At the top of the hour on the dot, she was out of her office like a shot.  It was for the best that no one tried to stop her on her way back to her bunk because the poor soul would've wound up entirely steamrolled.  She left her door unlocked as she swept through the room, tidying.  Dirty clothes went in the hamper, and the hamper went in the bureau.  Belt and hose both came off, and her shirt was unbuttoned to just above her bra.  She unrolled her hair and shook it out into waves.  She always thought it looked glamorous.  That was mostly the reason she wore her hair rolled instead of in the basic bun.

Her wine was stashed in the bathroom under the sink.  Very convenient for chugging a generous amount while freshening up.  Brush teeth, rinse face, check deodorant.  Why had she said thirty minutes?  It had hardly been ten.  More wine.  She went back into the main room, checking a last time if there was anything that needed tidying.  Her bed was perfect, floor was clear, surfaces dusted.  Did it smell funny?  She'd forgotten to check when she came in.  It was too late now to smell anything, her nose would have adjusted.  Izzy assumed it smelled fine since nothing had jumped out when she'd come in.  She wished she had a media center in her room, though she wasn't sure what kind of mood military marches would set.  More wine.

Finally, there was a knock at the door.  Firm.  Insistent.  She wasn't surprised to see Kylo Ren in the doorway.  He entered quickly before anyone saw him in the hall, and she locked the door behind him.  "Do you want any wine?"

There was a definite sense of urgency to his movements as he removed his mask and gloves and dropped them on her desk.  "All I want is you," he breathed, taking her face in his hands.

Then his lips were on hers, and the world came to life.  They were soft, reverent almost, but hungry.  He bit and sucked at her bottom lip, pulling a moan from her throat as she linked her arms behind his head.  His hands moved down over her neck, tracing swirls that left trails of tingling warmth.  _This_ was why she'd drank the wine.  His thumb found a spot near her collarbone that made her gasp and he broke the kiss to move his mouth there.  She tangled her hands in his hair, scraping her nails along his scalp, and his moan sent wonderful vibrations through her chest.  " _Ohh, Kylo...._ "

"You said something about straddling...."  In one fluid motion, he picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist, then moved back to the bed.  He was tall enough that his feet were still on the ground even as he sat back against the wall.  Izzy's skirt hiked up as her knees spread, and she could feel Kylo's arousal through the layers of clothes between them.  "Was this what you had in mind?"

"This was exactly what I was thinking," Izzy grinned, unbuttoning her shirt the rest of the way.  The First Order wasn't known for provocative lingerie, but every wardrobe item came in black, even the bras.  Kylo also worked his own shirt off, revealing a surprisingly toned torso.  Izzy winked, "Impressive for someone who's never been seen at the gym."

"Shut up and kiss me," Kylo laughed.  His arms wrapped around her back, pulling her down to him, pressing their bare torsos together.  But Izzy dodged his kiss and went for his neck, nipping a line along it until she found a particularly sweet spot.  Reactively, he bucked his hips beneath her, and ooh, did that feel _good_.  Moaning into Kylo's neck, Izzy began rocking her own hips, grinding against him.  She ran her hands down his chest, exploring his build and muscles.  She felt his abs ripple as he matched her rhythm.  Felt a primal growl building deep in his throat.

With a lick, Izzy lifted her mouth and softly blew on Kylo's wet skin, the spot already purpling into a hickey.  Kylo gritted his teeth and bucked again, eliciting a laugh from Izzy.  "Stop teasing," he growled.  His hand slid up to the back of Izzy's neck and pulled her in for a proper kiss, his tongue sweeping into her mouth.  His other hand traced patterns across Izzy's back, driving her wild.  It had been a long time since she had gotten off, but it would still probably be the first time dry-humping had done it.  The kiss was intense, teeth clicking against each other as each of them jockeyed for dominance.

Izzy's hands dipped lower, inching beneath the waistband of Kylo's pants.  "Ohhh, no," he groaned.  "Do not tempt me, that is specifically against your own rules."

"Can I blame the wine?"

"The wine is obviously to blame, but that doesn't mean the game has changed."  He pulled her arms behind her back, and his long fingers easily held both of her wrists there.  "I'll have to finish this quickly to keep you out of trouble."  To Izzy's surprise, his pace slowed, maddeningly so.  She felt that she was close, but there was just one unknown ingredient she wasn't getting.

"Please... please, Kylo...."

His hand knotted in her hair.  "Mmm, I like to hear you beg.  Please, what?"

" _Please_ , let me come...."

Kylo pulled her hair back, and that was it, that was what had been missing.  Izzy cried out, her thighs tightening around Kylo's hips as she shook.  His rhythm became similarly erratic, and he bit her neck to muffle his own growls.

And then they were both panting.  Izzy rested her forehead on Kylo's head, his face still buried in the crook of her neck and shoulder.

"I have a confession to make," Izzy said after several moments.

Kylo didn't lift his head.  "What is that?"

"You're the first man I've been with.  Ever."

At that he did look up, his dark eyes meeting hers and his expression soft.  "I'm honored.  Is that why you've been setting rules?"

"Mostly.  I just don't know what to do, you know?"

"I could teach you."  He grinned.  "You already know the basics."

Izzy laughed, then slid off his lap, laying down with her legs across him.  "Another time.  You've worn me out, Kylo Ren."

He smiled and laid down next to her, trailing a finger along her stomach from the band of her bra down to the waist of her skirt.  "Just say the word.  We can do whatever you want."


	11. Offer

Izzy woke up gently a few minutes before her alarm went off.  She stretched contentedly and rolled over.  Kylo Ren was gone.  She'd known that, hadn't she?  Or had she fallen asleep in his arms?  He'd stayed so late last night, just talking.  Well, mostly listening as he asked her about her life before joining the Order.  He hadn't been very forthcoming when she'd returned the questions, but Izzy understood.  Everyone had their secrets, and Kylo was the Supreme Leader's favorite, so his secrets couldn't be too bad.

Izzy stood and took the extra time to set her room back the way she liked it.  Hamper out of the bureau, last night's discarded clothes in a pile next to it.  She definitely needed a shower.  As she entered the bathroom, she caught her reflection in the mirror.  Her bedhead was impressive, and her lips were still swollen, but it was the marks on her neck that caught her attention.  A distinct bluish hickey with fading teeth marks ringing it.  Izzy leaned nearer the glass and traced the marks with her finger.  It sent a shiver down her spine, and a flush spread across her cheeks.  Part of her worried they wouldn't be hidden beneath her uniform.  That would definitely be a rule to add to future fun.  But mostly, she couldn't stop the smile that twitched her lips as she remembered back to Kylo Ren's mouth on her skin.

Her shower was quick.  She kept the water cold to jolt herself awake.  She was equally quick to towel off and roll her damp hair.  Then the moment of truth, would her collar come up high enough on her neck to cover Ren's bite?  The answer was just barely.

In the officers' mess, Phasma had beaten Izzy to breakfast for once.  She sat with General Hux and waved Izzy over after Izzy had gotten her food.

"Good morning, General.  Phasma," Izzy greeted as she sat at a third side of the table.

"Missed you at dinner last night," Phasma said with feigned innocence.

"I was just tired after my shift," Izzy lied, unable to keep herself from beaming.  Phasma laughed, and the General rolled his eyes.

"Good morning, Captain Izzy.  I was just updating Captain Phasma about the status of Starkiller Base."

Now it was Phasma's turn to beam.  "He said once it's completed, I and my troopers are going to be jointly stationed between it and the _Finalizer_!"

"That's so exciting!  Congratulations!"

"There may be a place for you there, too, Captain.  Overseeing the supply of a planet is certainly a step up from that of a ship, even one as impressive as the _Finalizer_."

Izzy's heart skipped a beat.  "That would be incredible, sir."  Something stirred in her gut, a feeling of unease.  "Um, may I have time to consider it?  It would be a huge move."

"Of course, the job will be waiting for you when you want it."

* * *

The morning was a blur.  Izzy oversaw the reception of an ammunition shipment, but she was just going through the motions.  General Hux's words ran through her head on constant loop as she walked back to her office after.  Supply Officer of Starkiller Base would be a huge step up for her career.  It could even put her in line for a generalship.  She couldn't think of any reason to turn the position down.  None other than the twisting feeling of dread she got when she thought too long about Starkiller Base.  But what could that mean?  She was probably just attached to the _Finalizer_ , right?  She had been here for four years, it would be reasonable that she'd feel uneasy about leaving the familiar.  Or maybe she was reluctant to leave-

She turned the corner and found herself facing Kylo Ren.  "Good morning, sir," she said with a professional nod.

"Hello, Captain."  It was difficult to tell through his mask, but he sounded like he was smiling.  At least, Izzy hoped she could hear a smile.  He stepped a bit closer and reached out his hand towards her.  "How are we this morning?"  The leather of his glove lightly brushed against her neck as he nudged her collar down to reveal the marks he left.

"Well, it's a fine Order day, sir," she smiled smugly.  She knew there was a similar mark on his neck also hidden beneath his clothes, though, despite the hall's emptiness, she didn't feel bold enough to reach out similarly.

His head cocked.  "There's something on your mind."

That feeling deep in the pit of her stomach again.  "General Hux offered me a position on Starkiller Base.  Supply for the whole planet."

Kylo froze.  The hand near her neck clenched into a fist, then he brought it back down to his side.  "You would be leaving the _Finalizer_."

"I haven't said yes," the words practically leapt from her mouth.  "That is... it wouldn't be until the base is completed, so I have time to consider."

"There's no professional reason for you to decline."  His voice was definitely clipped.

"No professional reason, no...."

"...But there is a reason."

Izzy bit her lip.  "There's the obvious personal reason, but there's also this... _feeling_ I get whenever I think about it.  A bad feeling."

Kylo crossed his arms.  "Straight to your core, right?  I get it, too.  It's the Force, but I can't see any alternate course of events than the one we're currently on."

"I'll... I'll decline the offer."  It really would be such an advancement....

Kylo paused, then swiftly removed his mask and drew Izzy into a kiss.  "Give me time to find Skywalker.  That may change things enough that Starkiller Base seems better.  Do you trust me?"

"I trust you," Izzy breathed, loath to let their lips part.  But part they must.

Kylo got his mask back on just before two troopers walked around the corner.  "Meet me in my chambers tonight, Captain."

"Aye, sir."

* * *

Kylo Ren's bunk was on one of the top levels of the ship.  Even without being inside, Izzy knew from her position in the ship that the room's portholes would have a fantastic view of the stars facing out over the stern of the ship.  She raised her hand to knock, but before she got the chance, he opened the door and his arm was around her waist, pulling her in.  His bunk was massive, nearly a suite.  His large bed was in the middle of the room.  To one side was the bathroom where, through the open door, Izzy could see a real bathtub.  To the other was a sitting area with a couch, low table, desk and chairs.  Everyone knew that Kylo Ren took his meals in his room, but tonight, there were two plates laid out on the table and small candles accenting the table.

Kylo wrapped his arms around her from behind.  "This... is my offer.  Staying here.  With me."

Izzy was breathless.  "And if you get rid of this feeling about Starkiller Base?"

"Then we go together."

Izzy turned to face Kylo, her hands on his chest as her eyes searched his.  _Sincerity_ flooded her senses with a heavy whiff of _longing_.  "So, you're asking me to, what?  Move in with you?"

"If you'll have me."

"Yes," she beamed.  She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, and he met her halfway.  "Yes, I'm in."

He kissed her again, a deep soul-sucking kiss.  "Do you want dinner or dessert first?" he purred against her lips.

Heat pooled in Izzy's abdomen.  " _Dessert_."

Effortlessly, Kylo lifted her and laid her on the bed, his kisses moving down her jaw to her neck as his hands unfastened her shirt.  "Please tell me if you don't like anything I do...."

"No marks," Izzy gasped, arching into him.  "No marks unless they're hidden by the uniform."

Kylo groaned his acknowledgement.  His hand fumbled with her bra clasp, so Izzy sat up to shed both it and her opened shirt.  She could feel the heat from Kylo's eyes on her skin, but then she felt the heat from his mouth as kissed down her chest.  He kneaded one of her breasts gently and kissed along the marks from her bra on the other.  Izzy moaned and ran her hands through his hair as he repeated the attentions on her other breast.

Then he moved south, leaving a trail of kisses down her stomach.  As he worked her belt and the zipper on her skirt, he moved his mouth to her side and bit her, sucking hard.  Izzy gasped as her body twisted.  "Oh, hell _yes_!" she cried, holding his head tightly to her.

He pulled away as he pulled her skirt, hose, and panties down in one smooth motion.  "So you do like it a little rough," he grinned as he settled himself between her legs, combing his hair back from his face with those long fingers.

"I'm learning that, yeah," Izzy laughed, biting her lip in anticipation.

Kylo kept eye contact with her as he lowered his head to her fold.  His thumb found her clit and swirled around it as he kissed and licked her.  He dove deeply into her as she sighed with pleasure, her hips rocking with his rhythm.  Slowly he slid one of his fingers into her and then another.  Izzy was wet and hot and took him easily, each pump of his hand drawing a moan from her lips.

Izzy could feel herself rising to the edge of her orgasm when Kylo slowed, his fingers coming to a stop buried deep inside of her.  He grazed his lips up her stomach to kiss her mouth, letting her taste herself.  Izzy loved it, holding Kylo close to her while her hips rocked against his hand.  "Tell me what you want," he murmured, shifting to nibble her ear.

"I want you to fuck me," she answered, her voice ragged.

His fingers curled inside of her.  "Beg for it."

"Please," she pleaded.  "Please, Kylo Ren, please, fuck me.  _Please_."  Her words were punctuated by the rhythm of her hips.

Pleased, he withdrew from her and stood to undress.  Izzy made no attempt to hide the way she studied his lean body, her eyes burning with lust.  He crossed the room to his dresser and pulled out a package of contraceptive/prophylactic pills.  "Do you need one?" he offered, extending the pills to her after taking one himself.

"I took one before I came up here," she said, stretching languidly across the sheets.  "Come back, I'm cold."

"Not for long."  Quickly, he rejoined her, grinding his length against her, letting Izzy feel its weight.  "Look at me, I want to watch you."

Looking into Kylo Ren's eyes seemed simple, but as he slowly thrust into her, letting her adjust to its size, Izzy had to fight not to let her eyes roll back with pleasure.  Her hips bucked, taking his entire length, and she cried out.  "Oh, yes, Kylo, _yes_!"

He increased his own pace, each stroke bringing her closer to her release.  His own teeth were gritted, and the noises of pleasure coming from his throat also helped to drive Izzy over the  edge.  One of her hands reached up to him, pulling his head down into a kiss while her other hand slid between the two of them, finding her clit.  Almost immediately her orgasm rocked her, shattering her senses, and her legs tightened around Kylo's hips, holding him close.  He wasn't far behind.  Shuddering, he gave a few final forceful thrusts, a ragged cry pulling from his throat as he climaxed.

Kylo caught himself on his elbows from collapsing entirely, bringing him into perfect proximity for Izzy to push his hair back from his face and kiss him tenderly before she got up.  "So what did you get us for dinner?" she asked with a smile as she made her way to the bathroom to wash up.


	12. Night

Izzy awoke with a jolt, needing a moment to get her bearing on the unfamiliar surroundings.  She looked past the soft black bed sheets to the clock on the bedside table that read it was still the middle of the night.  Kylo Ren's arm was wrapped around her middle, holding her tightly to him, his warmth radiating beneath the blanket.  That's right, she had agreed to move in with him, and because she had to be up early to grab fresh clothes from her own room in the morning, she had gone to bed before him.  But now as she looked around the room, she noticed a second bureau with her hamper next to it.

Delicately, she extricated herself from Kylo's hold and padded over to the bureau, opening it.  Yep, those were her uniforms.  Next she went to the bathroom.  There was a second water glass next to the sink that she filled, sipping as she browsed.  Her toiletries had been brought also, arranged in a second holder opposite from Kylo's.  The same with her soaps on the shelf of the bathtub.  Kylo must have had all of this brought in after she'd gone to sleep.  Her heart fluttered.  It was real, this was really happening.  Her mouth went dry, and she chugged the rest of the water, rinsing the glass out before putting it on her side of the sink.  _Her_ side of the sink.  She couldn't help but smile.

Going back into the main room, something caught her eye.  She hadn't looked towards that corner earlier in the evening, but now with all the lights off, she noticed that it had its own soft lighting.  Some kind of pedestal tucked into an alcove.  She couldn't quite make out the irregular shape that  was being displayed, but as she drew nearer, it seemed to be a helmet.  A ruined helmet?  She gasped as she realized, clasping her hands in front of her in order to avoid the temptation to touch it.

"Darth Vader's helmet," Kylo said from behind her.  He'd propped himself up on his elbow as he watched her, the position doing wonders for his muscles.  "I keep it to remind me of the path I'm on."

"How did you even get it?  I thought the New Republic had control over Darth Vader's body after the war."

Kylo smirked, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.  He held out his hand to her.  "Come back to bed."

She did, spooning into him as they had been before.  "Thank you.  For bringing my things up."

He kissed her shoulder, speaking against her skin.  "I thought that if you didn't have to leave early in the morning, we could have breakfast together."  His teeth grazed her shoulder, and his hand snaked around her to slide his fingers into her panties.

"Mm, that would be nice," Izzy purred, grinding herself back against Kylo, feeling his arousal.  Her own hand reached back between them and into his underwear, feeling him stiffen even as her fingers wrapped around him.

He growled as she stroked him, sinking his teeth into her shoulder as he plunged two fingers deep into her.  Izzy gasped, throwing her head back and rocking her hips against his hand.  "Oh, Kylo, I want you.  I want _all_ of you."

"My pleasure," Kylo rumbled.  He pulled her panties to the side, and then he was inside of her.  Deep slow strokes all the way to the hilt as his hand circled her clit.  His other hand knotted in her hair, pulling her head back to bite at her neck.

"No marks," Izzy reminded him breathlessly.  She was still sensitive from earlier and knew she wasn't going to last long.

"I remember," he answered, his words muffled by his teeth on her skin.  But he did shift his focus, working back down to her shoulder.

His pace really was maddeningly slow, and Izzy felt her orgasm roll over her, felt herself tighten around him.  "Ohh, _yesss_...."

He wasn't far behind her.  His own release came with a shuddering gasp through clenched teeth, then a contented sigh.  He released her hair, smoothing it back from her brow, and kissed her.  "I'm so glad you're here with me," he whispered.

Izzy turned to kiss him.  "I am, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because I've been having a lazy Sunday.


	13. Backlash

Izzy and Kylo had breakfast together the next morning, though it was a little fuzzy in Izzy's mind.  Kylo had already been up and ready for the day, and she had just awoken.  She remembered clearly, though, how he'd kissed her forehead before putting on his helmet and going out the door.

Showering in a bathtub was such a different experience than she was used to.  She wasn't sure she had ever had a bathtub, even before she joined the Order.  After washing herself, she couldn't help but sit down, her back against the wall of the tub, feeling the hot water wash over her chest and stomach.  It was so simple but so luxurious.  She couldn't wait to actually take a bath.  But that would have to wait.  She did have to get ready for work, after all.

She looked out the portholes as she dressed.  Such a view of the galaxy was priceless.  Empowering, in its own way.  She seemed to feel as if she was expanding, flying among all the stars at once while simultaneously completely grounded where she stood.  It was exhilarating.  She hoped she never got used to the magic of this kind of feeling.

As she walked towards the door, her eyes were drawn to the helmet on the pedestal.  She wasn't sure why, but she gave it a small nod, a silent appeal.  _Thank you for all you've done.  Guide me, and I won't let you down._   She wasn't sure if that was proper, but it felt right.

General Hux's room was in the same hall, and he stepped into the hall at the same time she did.  Izzy snapped to a salute as he approached.  "Good morning, General."

He returned it, his face dour.  As they walked, he said, "You know, Captain, when I suggested the other day that a relationship between you and Ren wouldn't be inappropriate, I wasn't expecting you to immediately move in with the man."

Izzy's face flushed.  "I believe you'll find, sir, that regulations only prohibit cohabitation between two people of unequal standing within the same chain of command.  As you said, Ren is separate from the _Finalizer_ 's command structure."

"I'm not saying you're wrong," the General clarified.  "I just hope you know what you're doing."

_Jealousy_.

Izzy's step faltered.  Why would she be feeling jealousy off of him?  "Sir, do you... object to my relationship with Ren?"

The General's poker scowl held steady.  "I object to most things Ren does.  However, you are a capable, intelligent woman, and I respect your choices.  Will you be joining Captain Phasma and I for breakfast?"

They had stopped where the hall forked.  In one direction, the officers' mess, and in the other, the Supply office.  "No, Ren and I took breakfast in the room."

More _jealousy_.  That was definitely something to get to the bottom of.  "Perhaps lunch, then."

"Perhaps."  She saluted.  "Good day, sir."

He returned the gesture to dismiss her.  "Good day, Captain."

* * *

At midday on the dot, Phasma swept into Izzy's office.  "We're going to lunch," she said from beneath her helmet, cloak billowing dramatically.  "Now."

Izzy didn't look up from her work station.  There was a whirlwind of emotion coming off of her friend, and it was frankly a bit overwhelming.  "Just a moment, I'm in the middle of a report."

Phasma came around behind her seat and gently but firmly lifted her up from under her arms and steered her towards the door.  " _Now_."

"Hey, that report needs to get done!"

"It'll be there after lunch."

_Jealousy_.

Izzy wormed out of Phasma's grasp and straightened her uniform with a huff.  "What is going on?  First the General, and now you!  Why are you all being so _weird_ today?"

As soon as the door to the mess hall closed behind them, Phasma took off her helmet and turned to face Izzy.  Her expression was pained.  "Because we're supposed to be _friends_.  Izzy.  We're supposed to talk to each other about important things.  Things like _moving in with a Knight of Ren_?  As absurd as that seems, I thought at the very least I'd hear it from you.  Not from _General Hux over breakfast_."

She sighed, the upset in her expression fading to disappointment.  "I don't want to lose you, Izzy.  I don't want you to change."

_Oh_.  "Phasma, I-  It just happened last night, I was surprised, too-"

"I don't want to hear excuses or rationalizations.  I'm hurt, Izzy, and I'm looking for two words, in particular."

"I'm sorry.  I was going to tell you when I saw you-"

"You could've told me at breakfast.  You went to work early instead."

"I'm sorry, Phasma.  I didn't think.  But you're not losing me, I'm here now."

"From General Hux, Izzy."

"I know, I'm sorry."

The door opened behind them for two ensigns, the junior officers ducking their heads as they skirted the awkward situation.  "We should get our food and sit," Izzy said, thankful for the distraction.

"We're not done," Phasma emphasized.  As the reconvened after getting their separate meals, she continued, "Have you lost your mind?  You and Ren have been involved for less than a week."

On this, Izzy felt much more confident.  "I have a good feeling about it."

"A good feeling?"

"Yeah."

"Is this more Force-sensitive stuff?"

"Well, yeah, probably."

"And you know what a good feeling feels like?"

"I definitely know what a bad feeling feels like, and this isn't it."

"I've warned you before about Ren."

"I know, but he's been wonderful."

General Hux approached the table.  "Captain Phasma, Captain Izzy.  May I?"

"Of course, General," Phasma smiled with fake cheer.

Izzy forced a smile, too.  Lunch had never been so tiring.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, it's been a busy few days!


	14. Vision

Izzy had never been so relieved to get back to work.  The remainder of the meal had been flavored by an awful mix of _frustration_ rolling off of General Hux and _hurt_ coming from Phasma.  But Izzy had all but prostrated herself before Phasma and kissed her feet, begging for forgiveness for blowing her off this morning.  Before she left, Izzy had noticed _forgiveness_ creeping into Phasma's demeanor.  The General, however, wouldn't admit that anything was wrong.  Izzy couldn't work with that, she couldn't fix what she didn't know.

Back at her desk, she sighed heavily, resting her head in her hands.  She should have taken a tea to go from the mess, and she wished for the millionth time that she had a tea set in her office.  Her fingers were on auto pilot as she finished her report, then she groaned with realization.  She had to get up again.  She needed Kylo Ren's signature.  And though what she really wanted was to feel his touch, his kiss, to cheer her up after that lunch, she didn't want to leave just, yet.  But leave, she must.  The Order wouldn't wait around for some random woman to ignore her personal drama.

Given the time of day, Kylo was probably in his control room, so Izzy loaded the report from her workstation onto her datapad and made her way through the halls.

She felt the argument before she heard it.  _Rage_ , _jealousy_ , _resentment_.  It was the same type of jealousy she had felt off of General Hux this morning, and as she got closer, it was his voice she heard in the room, his volume barely controlled.  "I told you _months_ ago that I was having Captain Izzy promoted to Supply on Starkiller Base.  You're expecting me to believe it's a _coincidence_ that you've now got her wrapped around your finger?"

Izzy stopped just outside the door.  Arguments between the two of them were common, but this time, they were arguing about her?

"I am consistently astounded," Kylo responded through his mask, "at how small your thinking is.  You can't even comprehend the levels to which Izzy and I could raise each other.  Starkiller Base is _nothing_."

"You moved her in with you the _same day_ I offered her the position!"

"You sound like a child who can't have a toy."

"And _you_ sound like the cat who stole the cream!  Is she just a power boost to you?"

A flash of _rage_ so much more profound than General Hux's.  There was a loud crack of energy as Kylo ignited his lightsaber, followed quickly by the sizzling of circuitry as it plunged into the wall.  " _Don't pretend she's more than a tool to you!  You've never seen anyone as more than a pawn for your own ambitions!_ "

Izzy couldn't stand it.  She clutched her datapad to her chest and rounded the corner.  "Stop!"

The two men looked at her in unison.  Kylo had backed the General to the wall, and his lightsaber was hilt-deep in the workstation behind him, inches from his head.  "Get your lightsaber out of that workstation," she said, her voice shaking.

Kylo's hand shook for a moment, his grip tightening; then he relented, swinging the blade down and bisecting the already ruined station.  He sheathed it and swept out of the room without a single word further.  Izzy inhaled sharply as his scent breezed past, and she thought she heard his step falter behind her.  But then he was gone.

Izzy and General Hux stood in silence for a moment.  Finally he sighed and stepped away from the wall, straightening his jacket and smoothing his hair.  "I would be lying if I said that was the first time he's drawn his saber on me," he said with a sneer.

Izzy nodded.  "Your mutual disdain is well known."

Another long silence.  Izzy broke it this time, scuffing her foot anxiously on the floor as she asked, "You had me shortlisted months ago?  For Starkiller Base?"

Hux nodded this time.  "Your work has always been above and beyond."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Starkiller Base has always been an ambitious project.  It's natural that I would want as few people as possible to know if it failed."

"It won't fail," Izzy said suddenly, the uneasy knot back in her stomach.  Why had she said that?  It hadn't even felt like her voice.

Maybe it hadn't sounded like it, either, judging from the curious expression on Hux's face.  "So you'll take the position?"

The knot felt like a never-ending punch to the gut.  The corners of Izzy's vision began to swim.  "I can't."

The ugly scowl was back.  "What?  You mean you won't.  Because of _Ren_."

"No, that's not-  It isn't-  I don't belong there, it isn't right-"  She saw a flash of red, felt such base _terror_ sear through her mind.  Was she still standing?  She wasn't sure, her sense of self was fading fast.

"But it's right for Phasma, I suppose."

"It is, that's different-"  Snow covered pines and a gaping chasm.

"You would throw away your career for that entitled child?  Dammit, Captain, I expected more from you!"

"General!"  The cry was supposed to be the start of an argument, but it sounded more like a plea in Izzy's ears.  Distant, tinny.  She felt the cold floor paneling, then the world went dark.

* * *

Izzy had never been in medical before.  Not as a patient, at least.  But it had its own unique scent of disinfectant, laundry detergent, and blood.  That was the first thing she noticed as she came to.  The second was the pain in her elbow and the side of her hip.  Sharp and throbbing.  She must have fallen to the side.  A different pain in her head, that was a mixed bag.  On the one hand, she hadn't hit it on the floor.  But the images she'd seen wouldn't leave her memory.

Inhaling sharply, she opened her eyes, trying to escape that dark forest.  She was in a private room, the lights dimmed.  A soft red light pulsed from a strap around her wrist, indicating her heart rate and blood pressure and probably a whole host of other vital signs.  Groaning, she sat up, her entire body stiff and sore.  She was alone in the room.  It felt like a blessing.

How long had she been out?  Izzy pressed the heels of her palms into  her eyes, but recoiled at the resulting flash of red.  Wait, flashes of red were normal when rubbing one's eyes.  Her adrenaline was running fast.  What had happened in that room?  Had that... _vision_... been of Starkiller Base?  That  would make sense, given how sick to her stomach she got whenever she thought about the thing.

A medic droid rolled into the room.  "Good afternoon, Captain," it intoned pleasantly.  "Your heart rate has increased beyond your normal range, and your blood pressure has decreased beyond your normal range.  Please allow me to assess your status."

Izzy nodded, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.  She ran her fingers through her mussed hair, massaging her scalp.  "What happened?" she asked the droid as it scanned a beam of blue light over her.

"You experienced an episode of vasovagal syncope approximately thirty minutes ago," it explained.  "General Hux called for emergency medics.  You were awake and responsive at first, then you attempted to stand and lost consciousness again.  You repeated this upon arrival at medical."

Izzy couldn't help laughing.  "I don't remember any of that."

"That is not uncommon."

"How long do I need to stay?"

A panel opened on the droid's side and a it extended a cup filled with a murky liquid.  "You may return to your quarters after you drink this electrolyte hydration formula.  Return to work increases the likelihood of further syncope."

If Izzy was suspicious of the color, it was well founded.  'Electrolyte hydration formula' was apparently medic speak for lukewarm salt water with an inadequate amount of sugary flavoring.  But still, Izzy choked it down, and it did help to relieve the pounding in her head.

"Would you care for a mint, Captain?" the droid asked after she finished, extending a cup with two small candies.

"Holy shit, yes."  Izzy's shoes were next to the bed.  She stepped into them as she stood, popping the mints.  It wasn't enough to take the salt out of her mouth.  "Thank you," she told the droid, on her way out the door.

The droid was right, she still wasn't steady.  She took her time walking to the lift, kept the wall within arms reach.  Hux was nowhere in sight.  He was a busy man, but Izzy wondered how long it had been before he'd left.  She was still feeling defensive from the argument, but also hurt that he hadn't stayed until she'd woken up.  Or maybe he had.  She still couldn't remember her alleged periods of lucidity.

Once back in the room, Izzy immediately stripped and let down her hair.  Part of her wanted to curl up naked under the blankets on the bed, but she made her way to the bathroom instead.  She remembered seeing several packages under the sink of "bath scent" tablets.  She picked up one, labeled "sandalwood rose", and held it to her nose.  At the aroma, memories of home came flooding back to her.

She remembered Order 6, her home planet in the Unknown Regions.  The First Order school she attended, right on the town square, and the yellow flowers on the commons.  The tavern catty-corner across the square from the school and the old ladies who seemed to always be sitting in the rocking chairs on the porch, chatting in an old language the school wouldn't teach.  They were always stitching up pretty little sachets of different herb blends.  Different scents for different needs, though Izzy never learned the different combinations.  Sandalwood and rose, however, had always been her favorite.

She sat on the floor as she ran the water, her hand extended lazily to test the temperature.  Looking down her arm, she saw the blooming bruise on her elbow.  A similar one was forming on her hip.  Certainly could have been worse, collapsing onto a hard floor, but those bruises were definitely going to get worse before they started healing.

It took forever to fill the tub, you never heard that in stories, but finally the water seemed sufficiently deep.  She dropped the tablet into the water and the heady scent filled the room.  Her eyes rolled back in her head as she lowered herself into the hot water, and she breathed in the steam and herbs.  She found it surprisingly easy to relax, and she reclined back against the wall of the tub and closed her eyes.

With each inhale, she seemed to grow larger.  Each exhale dissolved her sense of the boundaries of herself.  She thought she recognized the Force, but it wasn't active like how she'd previously experienced it.  It was benign, subtle, winding around her and through her and throughout the ship and the void beyond.

This time she wasn't surprised when Kylo seemingly materialized next her, crouched next to the tub.  "I heard," he said simply, brushing his fingers along her temple.  "It wasn't just a faint, was it?"

Izzy opened her eyes and turned to look at him.  Her brow knitting.  "Are we just power-boosting each other?"

"You heard that?"

"I've never been so in touch with the Force.  And you told me that the passion you feel for me is fuel for your control of the Force."

"Izzy, what we do for each other isn't a reason, it's proof.  We're meant to be together right now.  You can feel that it's right."

She could, of course.  "You and Hux need to work out your feud.  You're costing me workstations."

A smile teased across Kylo's lips.  "You're no longer saintly, yourself."  He pulled Izzy's datapad out from a fold in his tunic.  The screen was shattered.  "You dropped it when you passed out."

Izzy groaned and covered her face.  "That's honestly the first thing I've broken on this ship."

Kylo pulled her hands away and kissed her.  "Forget it.  Rest.  Starting tomorrow, I'll teach you more about how to channel the Force so that it doesn't overwhelm you again."

She returned the kiss, but Kylo joining her in the tub seemed a much better idea at the moment than rest.


	15. Underwater

"You won't be going to work today,"  Kylo Ren told Izzy as she opened her bureau.

She was still working through the haze of sleep.  "Hm?" she frowned, turning back to him.  Her voice wasn't quite online so early in the day.

He was leaning against the doorway to the bathroom, muscles flexed with his arms crossed across his bare chest.  He wore only his loose trousers, and the high waist made his already long legs seem to go on for miles.  "You haven't taken a single personal day since coming aboard the _Finalizer_ , so you have quite the accumulation.  I told you yesterday that I was going to begin training you to control your connection to the Force.  That starts today, so wear PT gear and a swimsuit instead of your normal uniform."

Oh, she did remember that.  The memory had almost been overshadowed by the decidedly better memory of the bath that had followed.  Physical training gear meant physical training, something that Izzy had actively avoided over the years.  She'd hoped that his instruction would have been purely mental.  Well, maybe not purely.

She rerouted herself to the bathroom, "accidentally" brushing her hand over Kylo's thigh as she passed.  Desire flashed in his eyes, but he didn't move from his position.  Izzy could feel his eyes on her as she splashed her face with cold water.  Eyes closed and lips parted as she leaned her head back and combed her wet fingers through her hair, dampening it to comb it back into a secure braid.  Goosebumps raised on her skin as an icy drop of water slid down her neck and pooled in the hollow of her throat.  She knew logically she couldn't make the impending PT go away, but she thought if she played her cards right, she could at least delay it.

Hope flared for a moment as she felt his thumb sweep over her neck, brushing away the droplet, his fingers snaking into her hair and his other hand wrapping around to her lower back.  Still arched back, she opened her eyes and batted her lashes, a slow smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.  There was a fire in his dark eyes, and as he leaned down, bringing his mouth to hers, Izzy thought she'd won.  But....

The hand on her back moved to the bruise on her hip, his thumb tracing it lightly to remind her why they were doing this.  "Get dressed, Izzy," he breathed, his lips just barely above hers before he pulled away.

Izzy groaned and rolled her head, working the kinks out.  There would be future opportunities to dig her heels in.  After brushing her teeth, she grabbed a towel returned to her bureau to dig through her PT gear drawer, re-familiarizing herself with the neglected garments.  Black cotton shorts, a black tee with the First Order emblem in red, a two-piece sport swimsuit in the same colors inverted.  Did she even have trainers?  Ooh, maybe she'd have to go shoe shopping at the ship store before they worked out!  No, darn, there they were under the socks.  Next to her swim goggles?  She realized she didn't even think she didn't have goggles, so long had it been since she'd gone to the gym.  She pulled on the swimsuit and felt a mixture of relief and disappointment that the elastic was still supple.  Letting First Order resources go to waste was never good, but a dry-rotted swimsuit could have been another opportunity for delay.

As she dressed, she looked over to the coffee table, expecting to see breakfast like the previous morning, but it was bare.  "No breakfast?"

"Have you ever worked out on a full stomach?"

"I haven't worked out since Basic, but I'm pretty sure a day of training on an empty stomach also isn't good."

"You're right.  Here."

She looked over towards him just in time to see the object he'd tossed her and catch it before it hit her in the face.  "A nutrition bar?"

He tossed her a water bottle also and pulled on his mask.  "You can eat while we walk."

N-bars were engineered to be nutritionally complete and calorie-dense and to keep forever in the field.  They were not engineered to be particularly palatable, and Izzy hated the way it stuck to the roof of her mouth.  She allowed herself a few sips of water, but knew she'd want the bottle later.

Phasma was waiting for them at the pool.  She didn't look pleased with Kylo, but she gave Izzy a smile.  "Good morning, Dreadnought.  I heard about yesterday.  When Kylo Ren asked me to help with the PT part of whatever he's got planned, I didn't want to.  Not so soon after your episode.  But I decided that was exactly why I should be here."  She shot Kylo another dark look.  "To make sure he doesn't take things too far."

Kylo shifted uncomfortably.  "I will warn you that I will need to push you further than you think you can go.  Extreme duress is the fastest way to learn how to actively connect with the Force, rather than letting it come and go as it will."

Extreme duress.  Izzy didn't like that.  Especially because Phasma didn't like that, and she had built her life on conquering extreme duress.  "But you think that if I don't learn control, the Force could overwhelm me?"

"It already has once."

Izzy nodded in agreement, looking over to the pool.  "So, what, am I just gonna swim until I drop then keep swimming?"

"Essentially," Phasma told her.  "The twist is that you have to touch the bottom of the pool between each breath.  That will force meditation-like controlled breathing in addition to the physical exertion."  Another glare at Kylo.  "Try not to pass out, but I'll be watching in case anything happens."

Izzy gulped as she nodded this time, feeling a flutter of nerves.  It wasn't the same gut-punch warning she was learning to recognize though, so she pushed it down.  Stepping closer to the edge of the pool, she began to undress when she felt a large hand push her into the water.  _Outrage_.  It was cold, and the shock nearly caused Izzy to gasp, but she caught herself.  This end of the pool was only a few feet deep, so she quickly found her footing and stood.  "What the hell!?"

Phasma was livid, but Kylo's arm was extended, having blocked her from jumping after Izzy.  "Emotion is another link to the Force," he intoned through his mask.  "You were suppressing yours.  Don't."

It was exactly what he wanted, but Izzy splashed water up at him.  "You could've just told me that."  Huffing, she stripped off her soaked clothes and threw them in a pile on the pool side.

"Now you'll have to swim at least until your shoes are dry."  She could have sworn he was smiling behind the voice changer.  One of the shoes was already in the pile, but the second hit the wall next to his head.  He was still guarding his emotions, but she could tell from his body language that he was enjoying himself.  Dick.

"Phasma, could you please toss me my goggles?" she smiled, her teeth gritted and voice tight.

Phasma wasn't pleased with Kylo's stunt,either.  "Of course, darling."

"Thank you, dear."  Taking a breath, Izzy slipped under the water, and brushed her hand across the rough bottom of the pool before resurfacing.  One down, eight billion to go.  It was easy at first, down and up, down and up.  But as she progressed down the pool, the floor sloped, the water deepening.  She knew the other end was twelve feet deep, but her lungs were already burning at six.  Every oscillation got more and more difficult, by the time Izzy reached the other wall, she was launching herself off the bottom with all her might and gasping for breath at the surface.

She hooked her arm over the wall and took a moment to pant.  "Keep moving," Kylo barked.  He had taken a post at the midpoint of the pool and stood legs wide and arms crossed.  "Exhaustion is the goal, Izzy."

"She knows," Phasma shot back.  She had walked the length of the pool and now crouched down next to Izzy.  "It'll be easier if you launch yourself down from this wall, as hard as you can, make your angle shallower, and launch yourself off the bottom.  It's a longer distance underwater, but you'll be going faster, and you'll get back to shallow water more quickly."

Izzy groaned, but she took Phasma's advise as she set off again.  She didn't know if it helped, but it probably helped to pretend.  She was definitely starting to flag by the time she finished her second lap, though.  It had been too long since she'd last swam, her lung capacity was shot to hell.  Why had it been so long?  She loved swimming.  It was the one exercise she actually found enjoyable.

Two laps down.  Now she was getting into the rhythm of it.  Down, up, down, up.  Lap after lap.  After ten, she lost count.  She found herself watching the clock on the wall, hoping she would get a break for lunch.  Not if it was another fucking n-bar, though.

One hour stretched into two, into three, into four.  Izzy's muscles had passed screaming and were now simply profoundly sore.  Her motions were getting sloppy, and she could see Phasma getting more anxious as she paced the poolside.

And then it happened, at the least opportune moment.  Izzy hit total muscle exhaustion at the bottom of the twelve foot end of the pool.  She tried not to panic, this was step one successfully completed, but she had seconds to get to step two.  She tried to reach out, to feel the energy she'd felt the previous day.  Her lungs were burning, she was getting lightheaded.  She willed her legs to kick off the bottom of the pool, willed her arms to pull, but they just wouldn't.  Fucking Kylo Ren, why had this seemed like a good idea?  Why had she not rage quit and gone to breakfast after he pushed her into the pool?  This was the worst.  Even Basic was preferable over this.  Chiefly because it hadn't involved any near death experiences.

Rage and indignation filled her.  This was bullshit.  This was going to stop right now.  She was going to get out of this pool, she was going to take a hot shower, and she was going to get dressed in something soft.  Renewed vigor coiled in her muscles, and then she was rocketing through the water, _out_ of the water.  She landed lightly on her feet on the deck, sticking the landing perfectly despite the floor's slickness.  She ripped off her goggles and threw them into the ground.  Whirling, she held out her hand towards her things as she'd seen Kylo do in the past.  She wanted her towel, and she would be damned if it didn't come flying towards her.  The corner even whacked Kylo in the back of the head as it passed.  What a bonus.

Allowing a smirk, she wrapped the towel around herself tightly and immediately moved to sit heavily on the bench.  And then it was gone.  All the energy she'd previously felt evaporated, and her muscles felt heavy as stone.

"Iz, you did it!" Phasma cheered, trotting over to her.  "I was just about to dive in for you, but then- _wow_!"

Kylo was also walking over, pulling off his mask.  He was beaming.  Jerk.  "That was perfect, Izzy."

"I'm mad at you," she told him bluntly.  "I'm hungry, I'm sore, I'm tired.  I nearly _died_.  Was that really the best way to do this?"

He stopped a few steps away.  "Phasma and I were watching the whole time, you were never in real danger.  I told you, this was the fastest way.  Now that you know how it feels to actively use the Force, we can shift our focus to exercises with more finesse."

"Lunch.  First."

"C'mon, Dreadnought," Phasma said, taking Izzy's hand to help her stand.  "Let's get you dried off.  To his credit, Ren Force-dried your clothes while you were swimming.  Your shoes were dry before you finished your first lap."

Izzy was still bitter, her steps stiff and slow.  "Small graces."  But Kylo had a look on his face like a puppy who'd been kicked, so she reached up and patted his shoulder as she passed.  Her initial thought had been to give him a peck on the cheek, but there was no way her legs were going to stand on tip-toe right now.  "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me four days to write because it's about exercise and I am not about exercise.


	16. Shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm snowed in and sick, so here's some smut~

After lunch, back in their quarters - Izzy still glowed at the thought, _their_ quarters - Izzy made a bee-line for the shower.  She had to wash the chlorine out of her hair, and her aching muscles screamed for the hot water.  It felt wonderful to be free of the swimsuit, and the hot water felt sinful on her skin as she washed herself.  She turned and faced the water, her nipples hardening at the beat of the water on her chest.  Behind her, she heard Kylo step into the tub, felt his fingers trace the lines and marks left by her suit.  Criss-crossing between her shoulders.  Straight across her back, just above her ass.  
His arm wrapped around her middle, pulling her back against him.  He was hardening as he grinded against her.  Humming with pleasure, she leaned her head back against him as he lightly traced a finger down her neck and between her breasts.  Her skin tingled in the wake of his touch.  She felt as if she crackled with energy.  He dipped his head to brush his lips over the vein in her neck before hungrily sinking his teeth into her flesh where her neck met her shoulder and sucking hard.  She moaned breathlessly, weak at the knees, but Kylo's grip held her steady.  
"I cannot say enough," he murmured against her skin, "how magnificent you are."  He punctuated his words with biting kisses and trailed his hand down the crease between her hip and thigh.  "How strong.  I can feel the power deep within you."  His finger dipped into her and then another.  Her hands reached back and tangled in his wet hair as she rocked against his hand.  His mouth worked up to hers, his teeth pulling at her lip.  "I can taste your potential."  
She turned to face him and ran her hand down his chest, down his abdomen, lower.  "Let me taste you," she said, her hand closing around his water-slicked length and stroking him lightly.  
His breath hitched as she ran her thumb over his head, his pupils wide.  "Have... you ever-"  
"I'm in the Navy," Izzy grinned.  "I've heard the locker room talk."  She kept her eyes on his as she sank down to her knees and pushed her hair back from her face, but her gaze flicked down to his cock.  It had felt large inside of her, but up close, with it in her hand, there was no doubt that it.  Kylo Ren was well endowed.  Her lips parted, her breathing quickening.  Licking her lips, she kissed him just beneath the head, sucking as she slid her lips down and back up his shaft.  
Kylo swore, taking a fistful of her hair.  She laughed with her lips still around him, then licked up to his head.  She kissed him, and gradually took him into her mouth, then pulled back.  She repeated, sliding her mouth a little further down his length, then pulling off again.  Kylo's hips bucked.  "Don't tease me, Izzy," he growled through gritted teeth.  
Smiling up at him, she licked up his cock with just the tip of her tongue.  "Beg."  
A deep noise welled up from his chest as a smile spread across his face.  "Please.  Izzy, my queen."  He combed his fingers out from her hair and cupped her face gently.  "Please, won't you bless me with that beautiful mouth?"  
Grinning with satisfaction, Izzy took him as far into her mouth as she could, her cheeks hollowing as she sucked.  She tightened her grip on the base of his cock and began to pump, moaning around him with each down stroke.  His hand moved to the back of her head as he groaned, head thrown back.  "Fuuuck, Izzy...."  
He twitched in her hand and pulled back and out of her grip.  "First time, huh?" he chuckled, his voice hoarse.  
Izzy stood, wiping the corner of her mouth with her thumb.  "I take it I did well?"  
"So well...."  He pulled her into a deep kiss, tasting himself as his tongue caressed hers.  His hands roved down her body, squeezing her ass and making her arch into him.  Then they swept lower.  He picked her up by her thighs and lifted her, wrapping her legs around him and burying himself between them.  Her moans were muffled by the kiss as he thrust deeply into her, over and over.  He turned and pinned her against the wall, leveraging to slam into her harder and faster.  He broke the kiss to bite into her shoulder again, and she cried out in pleasure as she came, her fingernails digging into his back and legs locking around his waist.  
But he wasn't finished, yet.  Setting her down, he turned her to face the wall, and she wantonly pressed herself against the cold tiles, spreading her legs.  One hand on her hip and the other reaching around to her clit, Kylo slid into her completely.  His pace was nearly as fast as before, and Izzy quickly found herself on the edge of another orgasm, her voice high and breathless.  
His hand on her hip slid to her ass, getting a handful before moving nearer to the base of her spine.  "Let me know how you like this," he told her as his thumb pressed against her tight hole.  
Stars danced across her vision and she gasped.  "Ohhh, that feels _amazing_ , Kylo!"  
She could hear the wolfish grin in his voice.  "And what about this?"  Gently, but firmly, he pressed the entire length of his thumb into her, drawing a scream of surprised pleasure from her throat.  A throat that he bit into once again as she grinded her hips back against him.  
" _Kylo, fuck, don't stop_!"  She cried out as her second orgasm rolled over her almost immediately, and this time, Kylo wasn't far behind, slamming into her with his own shuddering release.  For a moment, both of them simply stood and panted, their foreheads pressed against the tile, Kylo still buried completely inside of Izzy.  She felt cold and empty when he finally pulled out and couldn't help but whine.  
He turned her chin and kissed her softly.  "We'll explore that again later," he promised, "but I have more Force control training in mind for you."  
"I'll hold you to that."  
"Oh, there is so much that I want you to hold me to."


	17. Demonstration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update! My offline life became very busy very suddenly and it's not slowed down, yet, but I've been working on this where I've had the chance here and there.

The afternoon was spent with Kylo teaching Izzy to lift and move items with the Force. It was slow going. If the object weighed only a pound or so, she could drag it towards her a few inches, but lifting anything still eluded her. Currently, she was trying to call to her hand a small box that Kylo had placed on top of her bureau. Her hand quivered as she reached out for it, reached out past her body. She could feel it, its sharp corners and cold faces. It shook, also, inching nearer and nearer to the edge of the shelf.

Kylo, who had been pacing around the room, watching closely and guiding her, paused behind her, lowering his face next to hers to match her line of sight. "Every time it moves," he said, "you feel a surge of exhilaration. Your entire being hums with joy, discordantly with your growing frustration. Your emotions can empower you, but you must bring yourself into harmony."

Joy and frustration in harmony? Izzy couldn't imagine how that was supposed to feel, but she knew her frustration was mounting. The box jittered again, and Izzy felt a swell of hope, sure that it would soon come flying to her hand. Instead, it tipped over the edge and fell to the ground heavily. Crying out in frustration, she shoved the box, slamming it up against the bureau with a sharp thud. She distantly remembered Kylo telling her at some point that that pushing was easier than pulling with the Force. It was a hollow consolation. "Is the Force so difficult for everyone?" she asked bitterly, pulling away sharply and going to the bathroom to get a glass of water.

"At first, yes, of course. It's always much easier to be Force-sensitive than a Force user," he called from his place in the main room.

The water wasn't refreshing, wasn't satisfying. Izzy craved the rush she'd felt at the pool that morning when she'd jumped, when she'd called the towel to her hand. "You make it seem so easy. You can stop a blaster bolt in midair!"

"I've had decades of formal training. You've had less than a day of a crash course. Control comes with practice."

Izzy set down her glass and met her own gaze in the mirror, searching her tired and drawn face for some sign of the potential Kylo said he saw. "I want to feel it again. Like I did this morning. It's..."

"Intoxicating, I know. Come here." He had laid down on the bed, his hands tucked behind his head such that the muscles in his arms strained at his sleeves, but now he sat up on his elbows and patted the bed next to him. "Sit next to me."

She did, pulling her legs up to cross them and fiddling with her hands in her lap. She could feel the Force. She was too far in, she couldn't imagine ever not feeling it. But she couldn't touch it. It was always just beyond her grasp.

Kylo sat up further, taking her hands in his, lacing their fingers. "I can't give you that fix. It can only be felt through the Force, but I can share with you what it feels like for me." He raised a hand to her face, turning her to look at him, to look into his dark eyes. "May I enter your mind?"

Izzy shivered. She remembered the prickling all those months ago as if it had only been a second ago. It had been painful, violating, sickening. And that had only been the threat of an intrusion. What would it feel like to have him entirely inside of her mind? A tiny part of her was morbidly curious, but.... "No," she shook her head, pulling away a fraction and closing her eyes. "No, I remember.... I can't, it was...."

Kylo froze, his fingers on her skin becoming tense. Then he trailed them back to behind her neck and pulled her closer to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I had forgotten that I had done that. May I then give you a demonstration of the physical finesse that experience with the Force can bring?"

Izzy's eyes opened, and at the heat she saw in Kylo's, her heart skipped a beat. "Yes," she breathed. "Show me."

He pulled her again into a kiss, this time fierce and hungry, both of his hands tangled in her hair. But she felt his touch trail down her chest beneath her shirt, warm and powerful. No, not his touch. The Force, bending to his will. It wrapped around her in an embrace, and she found herself falling forward to straddle Kylo's lap. His hands tightened, pulling her hair and pulling a pleased whimper from her lips, muffled by their kiss. The phantom touch ran down her spine to her ass and squeezed. It pressed against her tight hole, and Izzy's hips bucked, grinding against Kylo's arousal through their clothes. "Please...." she panted. She knotted her hands in his hair, pressing her forehead to his as she rocked her hips. "Please, Kylo...."

He chuckled and kissed her again, biting her lip, sinking his teeth painfully, but it felt so good. She heard a click from the desk, and Kylo's media station began playing music like Izzy had never heard before. She recognized bits of one of the marches from the First Order library, but the song was dark, driving, electronic. The touch moved down, dipping between her folds and probing her, moving to the beat of the song. She gasped, throwing her head back, feeling the power flow into her, connect with her.

With a growl from deep in his throat, Kylo jerked her head to the side by her hair and sank his teeth into her throat. The touch between her legs teased her, stroking only shallowly, and with a noise of protest, she grinding against Kylo, trying in vain to take it more deeply. Holding Kylo tightly as he bit her neck, she begged, "Please stop teasing me."

He licked up the front of her neck with just the tip of his tongue. "Tell me what you want."

She rocked her hips rhythmically to the music. "I want you to fill me. Completely."

A wolfish smile spread across his face, and with a sudden upwards thrust of his own hips, his Force projection swelled to match his own cock and was within her to the hilt.

"Fuck, yes!" Izzy sat up, gyrating above him, eyes rolled back and her hands combing through her hair to pull it herself. Invisible hands slipped beneath her shirt, tracing up her belly and teasing her hardened nipples.

Kylo, leaned back, his hands behind his head as he watched her. "You're nearly coming apart already. What if I did this, also?" A second projection formed at her tight asshole, pressing, inserting. It wasn't as large as the first, but it was thicker than his finger, and Izzy moaned wantonly as it slid into her.

"Oh, Kylo, more, please!" It grew to nearly match the size of the first, their rhythms pumping counter to each other. Fast enough to drive her to the edge, but just slow enough that the heat pooling deep in her core could not release. Moaning with each thrust, her hand began to stray down to her waistband, but Kylo seized her by her wrist.

"You think I cannot also attend to that?" he asked, his voice rough. He took her other hand and interlaced their fingers, pulling her back down into a kiss. Another point of tingling warmth touched her clit lightly, teasingly.

Groaning, she swept her tongue into Kylo's mouth, hungry for as much of him as she could get. And he obliged, fucking her mouth with his tongue as he fucked her body with the Force. He kept his pace steady, and slowly, blissfully, Izzy began to unravel. She shook as her orgasm rolled over her, her cries of pleasure muffled by their kiss. Time seemed to stop as she shattered and then slowly pieced herself together again. It wasn't until the waves had passed that she realized she was empty, and Kylo was still hard beneath her.

"My turn," he whispered, his eyes ablaze. Swifter than Izzy could follow, he flipped her onto the mattress, managing to remove her shirt in the same movement. She wore no bra beneath, and his mouth was immediately on her breast, sucking hard as he yanked her shorts down her legs.

Laughing breathlessly, Izzy arched beneath him, freeing him from his tunic to press her skin against his. The Force had been incredible, but when it came to lovemaking, nothing could compare to hot flesh and sweat and juices. He kissed up her chest, up her neck, and as he claimed her mouth, he freed his cock from his trousers and thrust into her easily, her body still wet and relaxed from his attentions. His pace was urgent, fast and hard, and he lifted her leg above his shoulder and held her hip to fuck her more deeply. "Kylo...." she moaned, her voice wavering from the tension already coiling within her again. She raised her hand to his face, and he turned to suck her thumb into his mouth, scraping his teeth along it and meeting her eyes with his. She reached for her clit again, and Kylo caught her by the wrist again. He was beyond words, so he bent down to kiss her softly before flipping her over onto her knees roughly and pulling her back to straddle his lap, facing away from him.

He held her wrists in one hand behind her back then pulled himself from her warmth, immediately filling her again with three curled fingers. He grinding against her, between her ass cheeks, spreading her with her own fluids. He pressed his tip against her loosened hole then stopped. His thumb grazed over her clit, and her hips bucked, pressing him slightly into her, but then he pulled back again before repeating the action. "Kylo, please!" His fingers pulled nearly out of her, dragging along the sweet spot within her, and she found herself torn over which sensation to follow. She tried in vain to rock against both his cock and his hand, but he eluded her, teasing, nibbling at the lobe of her ear as she writhed. "Stop... teasing...." she panted, desperate for him and punctuating her demand with a quick movement backwards to impale herself on his cock. Even with the foreplay from the Force projection, Izzy still needed a moment to accustom herself to Kylo's length and girth and the new type of pleasure that washed over her. No, the Force could never replace flesh and blood when it came to this.

She rocked her hips back against him, relishing the friction, her voice high as her lips parted, and he released her wrists, wrapping his arm around her chest as he slid his fingers back into her and rocked with her, his hips never separating from hers. He thumbed her clit, and she reached back to run her hands through his hair as her orgasm mounted again. "Come with me," she ordered, her voice high and strained as her passion overtook her. And with a few hard thrusts, she felt his hot seed pump within her even as she tightened around his fingers.

Panting she fell forward, and Kylo collapsed next to her, his hand reaching up to softly stroke her cheek. "And that," he said between breaths, "is what comes with practice and control."

"I think in bed I may prefer Kylo the man over the Knight of Ren," she responded groggily, her eyes closed.

"Or perhaps I simply need more practice to refine my technique."

Izzy smiled. "I wouldn't object to that. But speaking of practice, I want to continue learning to control the Force after today."

Kylo's brow knitted questioningly.

"I have over a month of leave saved up," she explained, "and the ship is only patrolling right now. My assistant, Commander Odara, would be more than capable of being acting Supply Officer until I return."

"I have my own duties to return to tomorrow."

"No, I know, but I think at this point I can handle practicing on my own. I can't stand the thought of having a talent I'm not taking full advantage of."

"Then for the sake of professional development," Kylo laughed, "I'll make sure your request is approved."


	18. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snow day! Thanks to everyone for reading! Comments are always welcomed and appreciated! (Also, I don't know much about the complete rank structure in the First Order Navy, so I've been using US Navy ranks.)

The next morning, Izzy got to breakfast before Commander Odara.  Some of the other officers in the mess looked at her funny, dressed as she was in her PT sweats with her hair in a loose braid.  She hadn't brought personal clothes onto the _Finalizer_.  She hadn't taken personal leave until now, so she hadn't needed them.  Maybe the ship store sold casual clothes.  But she ignored them and sat, pulling out her datapad to look over her files again over her food.

She didn't have to wait long.  Commander Odara and General Hux entered the mess hall together, scanning their eyes for her.  Seeing the two of them next to each other, Izzy felt a pang of envy and nostalgia.  They looked so perfect standing next to each other, both tall and powerful, their uniforms perfect.  Odara's features were sculpted and strong in her midnight dark skin, her black hair cropped short, and her brown almond eyes piercing.  Izzy had always admired Odara, she was one of the finest officers Izzy had ever met.  It was actually years ago that Izzy had begun grooming her as her successor, of course hoping that she would have any say in that.

Now, seeing Odara and Hux standing next to each other, it was like every recruitment poster Izzy had grown up with.  If she was eighteen again, she'd join the Fleet all over just for the chance of being the two of them.  But then Odara saw her and smiled, and her stern face lit up like a sun.  And as Izzy waved in acknowledgment, she thanked the Force for just bringing the three of them together in this moment.

The two got their food and came back to the table.  _Respect._ "Good morning, Captain," Odara greeted warmly.

"Good morning, Commander," Izzy returned brightly.  She could feel her smile become fixed as she turned to Hux.  "Good morning, General."  She hadn't seen him since their argument two days ago.  Had it really only been the day before yesterday?  It felt like a lifetime.

But his inscrutable face pulled into a small smile.  _Guilt._   "Good morning, Captain.  I'm glad to see you're well."  A pause.  "You didn't take breakfast with Kylo Ren this morning?"

"No, he returned to work earlier this morning."

"Medical tells me you've been cleared for return to duty, also, but you want to take your accumulated leave now?"

The way he said it, Izzy felt ashamed for asking so much of the Order, she couldn't bear to look her idol in the eye.  But she could feel a swirling certainty around her, and she let it guide her words.  "Yes, General," she said firmly, forcing her gaze to remain steady.  "The _Finalizer_ isn't currently engaged in any major actions, and with this newly emerging ability, I feel I can best serve the Order if I allow myself to train to my full potential."

Hux's brow arched.  _Bitterness._ "Do you think you're going to be the newest Knight of Ren?  Or are you just in some kind of honeymoon period?"

Odara inhaled sharply at the jab, her head swinging around to look at him, but through her training, kept her mouth shut.

The question stung, especially from a man Izzy had looked up to for so long.  It was like a gash across her core, but into that pain, with a deep breath, she drew the Force.  It steadied her, braced her.  A vision crept into the corners of her mind of crumbling stone and proton torpedoes.  She lowered her voice.  "No, General.  I am not combat trained now, nor do I have any desire to become combat trained.  My connection with the Force is largely mental.  It gives me visions, premonitions, a deep empathy with nearby people.  For example, right now I can feel your frustration that I insist on a different path than you had planned, your jealousy that Kylo Ren has 'won' a prize you wanted for your own - side note, General, I'm a person, not a thing that he has taken and you have lost.  I can feel the fear creeping into you that your mind is being laid bare before you.  But still, I feel your underlying ambition and well-earned pride.  I feel your hope for the future of the Galaxy and your hatred of the New Republic."

_Shock_ and _unease_ were rolling off of Odara as her mouth gaped, the woman frozen, but Izzy continued, the words rolling off her tongue like a song.  "I need you to know, General, that you were the reason I requested my original assignment on board the _Finalizer_ , that you have been my role model for years.  But I also need you to understand that that inspiration is what now propels me to do this.  I want nothing more than to reclaim the Galaxy from the sham of a government that's in power, but to be able to dedicate myself completely to the First Order, I need to be complete.  I need control over my abilities.  I need to not pass out every time I get a particularly strong vision, like the other day.  I need you to understand, also, that I am doing this for you.  That despite your anger, and despite my involvement with Kylo Ren, and despite the larger needs of the Order, everything that I do is to live up to the version of myself you make me feel that I can be."

She inhaled shakily as the Force ebbed away, and the three of them sat in silence for what seemed to stretch into eternity.  The bustle of breakfast continued around them, no one having any idea that Izzy had just gone off on the General.  No one but Hux and Odara.  Izzy closed her eyes and sipped her tea.  She knew she should fear discipline for speaking in such a way to Hux in such a public setting, but she simply didn't.

Hux broke the silence first.  "Well," she said, his voice low and tight, "I suppose with such an argument, I am compelled to deny your request for leave."

Izzy looked at him, puzzled.  Logically, she knew that this was a possibility, but it had never felt like a plausible outcome.  It still didn't.  "But, sir-"

He silenced her with a raised hand.  _Resignation_.  "Your request for leave is denied because I will issue orders to place you on indefinite training assignment.  Commander Odara, are you prepared to assume to role of acting Supply Officer?"

Odara had regained her composure and nodded.  "Absolutely, sir."

"Good.  Captain, I'll trust your judgement for when you're ready to return to Supply.  And... though I'm flattered and honored by what you said, I need _you_ to understand that the only validation you should need should be from the Order and from yourself.  I, too, am just a man trying to do his best.  I have already disappointed you, and I will likely disappoint you in the future, so don't try to place me on a pedestal.  The only thing I hold above you is rank in the First Order.  I do have my own agenda, and I am frustrated that you don't fit neatly into it, but I meant it the other day when I said that I respect you as a capable woman and officer."

Izzy felt a wave of relief wash over her.  "Thank you, sir."

Hux nodded.  "Needless to say, this conversation doesn't leave this table, and you cannot make a habit of speaking to me like you did."  He stood, and Izzy and Odara followed suit.  "I'll leave you two to discuss the transfer of responsibilities.  Captain, your official orders will come through your datapad later today.  Good day."

"Good day, General," they chorused, and he left.

Odara sat after Izzy.  "That was tense, ma'am," she admitted, a relieved smile spreading across her face.

Izzy sighed into a laugh.  "I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of that, and I'm afraid you were more worried than I was.  A basic thing I've learned to recognize has been a sense of what the best course of action is."

_Impressed._   "A good talent to have.  Along with that mind reading thing.  Part of me wants to ask you to do me, but I don't know if I'm ready to hear that."

"It's funny, Phasma asked me the exact same thing when I first told her.  I should set up a booth and charge at carnivals.  But for now, let's go over what I was working on up to the other day...."


	19. Impetus

Weeks passed.  Izzy quickly fell into a new routine.  Breakfast with Kylo.  A morning at the pool, simple laps, controlled breathing.  She always found it easier to feel the Force through the water, but at first she could only intentionally draw upon it when her muscles began to flag.  Gradually, though, it came to her more and more easily until she was already clothing herself with it before even diving into the water.

Lunch in the officers' mess.  Usually with Phasma, who was very interested in her progress.  Sometimes with Odara, who was confident in her own running of the Supply department but insisted on keeping Izzy appraised of every happening.  Izzy was grateful for that; she knew she was doing the right thing, and Odara handled every unexpected challenge beautifully, but she still felt a pang of guilt for leaving the office so suddenly.  Rarely, Hux joined her.  He was distant, mostly demanding updates on her progress.  He was definitely compensating for Izzy refusing the Starkiller position by ensuring that her current pursuits were on his terms.  Those terms were mostly these lunches and a requirement that he be allowed to observe her training.

The greatest benefit, however, was Hux granting her use of his executive dining room for her afternoon meditation.  Quiet, minimalist, out of the way, rarely used.  Izzy's favorite feature of it, though, was the entire wall made of transparisteel.  The floor in front of it soon became her favorite spot.  It was cold and hard, but as Izzy slowed her breathing and blurred the line between herself and the universe, it faded away.  Her physical vision was filled with stars, the occasional planet, sometimes a TIE fighter sortie.  But her true sight roved over the _Finalizer_.  It was a tight radius, at first, just far enough to know whether someone was walking past in the hall, or if Hux was standing behind her, watching.

He never said a word, but Izzy had quickly learned to reach out and tap his mind.  Sometimes an overt acknowledgement of his presence, but sometimes a quieter sifting through his surface thoughts and emotions.  He felt conflicted.  On the one hand, Izzy was under his supervision, following his direction, training herself to be of better use to the Order and, by extension, him.  But on the other hand, he didn't know how to control her, and he strongly suspected that the moment she no longer felt it in her best interests to defer to him, she wouldn't.  Izzy knew that he was right, though she couldn't personally imagine ever placing herself above the First Order.  She was fascinated, though, to see herself through Hux's eyes.  There was a certain sharp hardness he saw growing within her that he strongly associated with Kylo Ren.  The face she saw in Hux's mind wasn't the face she recognized in the mirror, and it thrilled her.

Hux's presence was almost always quickly followed by nudge at Izzy's own mind by Kylo.  A caress, a sensation like a jealous predatory big cat affectionately rubbing against her.  Some days, he watched her with amusement and even joined in her digging through Hux's mind, showing her how to tread more softly to avoid detection.  Some days, he bridged between them and whisked her away to his part of the ship, teaching her how to look through another's eyes in the present.  The first day Izzy was able to reach as far as him on her own, he had rewarded her with fantasies of his tongue between her legs, her wrists shackled above her head.  And that night, they made those fantasies reality.

It was two months until Izzy was able to call her first vision beyond the ship.  An Outer Rim planet harboring several Resistance hangers.  They were hidden underground, but they glowed bright and blue in her mind's eye.  And when she plotted out their locations for Hux and Phasma and troops were sent, they were exactly where Izzy had said.  Falsely secure in their warrens, the stormtroopers took them completely by surprise.  Leaders were captured for interrogation.  Everyone else was killed.  Nearly three hundred less republic parasites to plague the Galaxy.

It was that night, though, that the dreams started.  At first it was just a sun burning white in a relentless blue sky.  The next day, Izzy buried herself in the archives, compiling a list of habitable planets with only one sun.  It was overwhelmingly long.  She focused her meditations on it, but she simply didn't have the reach to feel out planets.

The next dream was the sun again, this time with blazing heat that burned Izzy's lungs.  Cold planets were cut from the list.  A week later, her dream was of a single full moon, a biting chill in the air.  A desert planet.  Force knew there were still hundreds of them in the Galaxy.

Then the dreams stopped.  "I don't understand," she said to Kylo, sitting in bed one morning, elbows on her knees and hands fisted in her hair.  "It's been nearly a month, and all I know for certain is that I'm not dreaming of Tatooine."

"Why are you getting these dreams?" he asked.  "What's there?"

Izzy groaned.  "I don't even know.  Just that I need to get the ship there, but I still have no idea why."

"Hold your focus," Kylo reassured her.  "All things through the Force.  It'll come to you."

And then it did.  A week later, in the pool.  A herd of happabores crossing the dunes.  Graveyards of star destroyers, TIE fighters, X-wings.  A shell of an AT-AT lying on its side, half buried.  A trading outpost filled with scavengers.

Izzy hardly gave herself time to dry off before dressing and rushing to the archives.  Finally, she had enough to bring her list down to one name, and the records confirmed it.  She reached out to Kylo as she made her way to the bridge.  "General Hux, a word?"

His pale eyes quickly appraised her.  Wet hair smelling of chlorine, skin flushed and chest heaving from adrenaline.  "What is it, Captain?"

"Jakku," she said.  "We need to go to Jakku."

"What's on Jakku?"

"I... I have no idea," Izzy admitted.  "It's just a backwater Western Reaches wasteland, but I've been dreaming about it for months.  I just now got enough detail to identify it."

"Dreams?  Have you been there before?"

"I'd never even read the name until I started trying to identify the planet in my dreams."

She heard the door open behind her, heard Kylo's heavy footsteps.

Hux cocked an eye as he looked past Izzy, and she turned to look.  "Do you have some kind of agenda on Jakku, Ren?"

"Not specifically," he answered impassively through his voice modulator, crossing his arms, "but I haven't yet investigated most of the Western Reaches."

Before Hux could respond, a communications officer stood at her station.  "Sir, we've just intercepted a Resistance transmission," she called out.  "Coordinates were sent to a T-70 X-wing just before the ship went under a cloaking device."

Hux tensed.  "Bring up the coordinates on the screen."

She did so, and validation flooded through Izzy.

"It's a village on Jakku."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! This was the first part of a series of stories that will continue for the foreseeable future! Onward and upward!


End file.
